Clinching/Elimination Scenarios in the AFC

Just detailed the likelihood of teams making the playoffs in my last real post, now it's time to see how close the other teams are to the brink, whether good or bad.

Cleveland and Kansas City are already eliminated.

A win by Jacksonville eliminates Buffalo and Oakland. A loss doesn't immediately eliminate Oakland, but it does eliminate Buffalo based on conference record.

A Houston and/or Tennessee loss and Jacksonville win eliminates them from the playoffs. Their abysmal division records come into play here.

---

The following can't have their fates altered this week, but let's talk about them anyway:

Baltimore, Miami, New York and Pittsburgh are effectively eliminated by 1 more loss. It's still technically possible to clinch at 9-7 or 9-6-1, but the odds are stacked against them. Baltimore with the 6-4 AFC record has the best shot of the bunch to get in at 9-7.

Two Denver wins, two Jacksonville losses, and a Miami loss clinch a playoff berth for the Broncos. At 10-6 with a minimum of a 7-5 conference record, and the fact that only one of PIT/BAL can get to 10-6, they would achieve no worse than 6th.

Three Jacksonville wins clinch a playoff berth. That would ensure no worse than 9-3 in the AFC. Two wins would give the Jags a supreme advantage in the event of a 9-7 tiebreaker scenario, as long as they don't lose to Miami.

New England can clinch the AFC East by winning as many or more games than Miami, and as few as one less than the Jets. Miami can clinch by winning one more than the Pats, especially if New England loses to the Bills. There are other things in play for that last scenario, but let's pretend.

Cincinnati can clinch the AFC North by winning once.

San Diego can clinch the AFC West by keeping pace with Denver. Denver can clinch somehow, but they're assholes so fuck those guys.

Finally, Indy can clinch homefield advantage for sure with 2 wins, or 1 win and a loss by Cincy/SD. Wade through that as you will.

- Matt

EDIT: The Steelers are effectively eliminated from playoff contention. It will be official once the Broncos and Jags win two each. 9-7 with a 6-6 AFC record and 2-4 maximum divisional record just doesn't seem even close to adequate.

O noes...

Radhames Liz claimed off waivers by the Padres. Is anyone sad about this at all?

Playoffs?!?

Will won't write about the wild card race, though it's more relevant to his team, so I guess I will.

So far, we have this:

5. Denver, 8-4 (6-3)
6. Jacksonville, 7-5 (6-2)
7. Baltimore, 6-6 (6-4)
8. Miami, 6-6 (4-4)
9. New York Jokes, 6-6 (5-5)
10. Pittsburgh, 6-6 (4-5)

Indy can clinch top AFC seed with 2 wins, San Diego or Cincinnati can clinch the 2nd seed by going 3-1, as long as one of those wins is against the other team. New England can clinch the division by... winning out.

Now it gets somewhat tricky. Denver is assured a spot if they go 3-1. While they play Indy and Philly, they have games at home against the Chiefs and Raiders. This season isn't locked up just yet, but it's close.

Jacksonville has perhaps the hardest schedule down the stretch. 3 playoff teams in a row: Miami, Indy, New England. Then the Browns. 1-3 is a very real possibility. That first game is the key. Win that, and it's possible to make the postseason at 9-7 and give either SD or CIN an easy first round win.

Baltimore is in a decent position. 3 of their games are easy: Detroit, Chicago, Oakland (don't give me that 'they beat the Steelers' crap; just don't give them any motivation). The game against the Steelers decides how their season ends up. If Pittsburgh continues its collapse, and especially if Dixon starts again, the Ravens could have the easiest remaining sked of anyone.

Miami, as mentioned before, needs to beat the Jags to have a prayer. 3 games against the "lesser" AFC South teams, then end the season at home against the Steelers. It's very possible that game determines the 6th seed in the AFC. Just as easily could go 1-3. No clue on this team.

New York. Needs to win out to make it, and get some help. Nothing else to say.

Pittsburgh. Ah, the Steelers. The cockroach of the NFL. Just when you think it's all over for them, they turn around and pull together a winning streak. They play the Browns in like 3 minutes, and despite injuries it'll be an easy win. Next, the Packers at home, which is likely their hardest remaining game. Then the Ravens. End the season with Miami. Polamalu is due back against GB, which is bad news for any other team. If the Steelers don't win out, they're toast. 7-5 in the AFC is their best possible, and the Jags will most likely achieve 8-4. I fully expect this team to make the playoffs.

Prediction:

5. Pittsburgh (10-6, 7-5)
6. Denver (10-6, 8-4) [head to head tiebreaker]
7. Jacksonville (9-7, 8-4)
8. Baltimore (9-7, 7-5)
9. Miami (8-8, 6-6)
10. Who cares.

- Matt

Orioles!

Ostensibly, we run a blog that talks about the O's here, so here are some links.

Orioles Hangout talks about the prospect of signing John Lackey as part of stage 2 of the rebuilding effort.

I'd like to see a veteran pitcher, but I'd much rather see Uehara healthy.

Mr. Jones wins a Gold Glove award, his first.

Just need to outgain the Yankees by 2 next year and the O's have the all-time lead in GGs ever.

Delicious top 10 prospect rankings from Orioles Hangout.

Yup, I'm aware I just lifted links from their main page. You do better.

- Matt

Interesting

Apparently the Pens are launching the first Russian NHL radio show. The subject of the first interview? Take a wild guess.

[nhl.com]

Igor Larionov will also make an appearance, while Malkin's former (maybe current) interpreter will be hosting the show. Good move by the NHL, especially the Penguins, to spread the brand to Russia as a preemptive strike on the KHL.

I'd be surprised Washington wasn't the first club to do this, but then again, Texas Ted probably ate his radio guys.

- Matt

Low Blow

Courtesy of John Clayton on ESPN.com:

"The Broncos' three-game losing streak apparently has coach Josh McDaniels a little out of sorts. He opened his postgame news conference by congratulating "the Chargers and Jim Zorn."

Not cool, McDaniels. I don't like Norv any more than you, but at least he still calls the plays here.

- Matt

NFL Power Rankings why not

Since we're basically halfway through the season, I figured it was time for some useless power ranking crap. I decided to spice things up by drawing inspiration from half the advertisements blaring during the millions of commercial breaks. No, not boner pills. Beer.

Gulden Drak

1. New Orleans Saints
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Pittsburgh Steelers

The beer named above is strong in flavor and alcohol content, as well as expensive. The Steelers are typically at the top of the league in dolla dolla bill spent. But given the consistency and winning ability despite poor showings from all three teams, you can bet for certain at least one of these will appear in their conference championship, if not the Super Bowl.

Penn Oktoberfest

4. Minnesota Vikings
5. Cincinnati Bengals
6. Dallas Cowboys

My personal favorite beer, which I can't get enough of. By contrast, I'm sick to death of hearing about the above three teams. But you can't deny their smooth execution and strong finishing power, and all currently lead their divisions. Will they last deep into the playoffs? I hope they don't make it out of Dekember (hahahahahahahahaha fuck you).

Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA

7. New England Patriots
8. Denver Broncos
9. San Diego Chargers
10. Houston Texans
11. Philadelphia Eagles

It'll get you very, very drunk. Accepting New England as a contender again is difficult for me to swallow, like a gulp of this beer. And if any of the non-Chargers teams were to even make it to the Super Bowl, I'd need to be wasted to watch it. In the end, this is a list of polarizing teams, just as DFH is a polarizing beer.

Yuengling Lager

12. Atlanta Falcons
13. Arizona Cardinals
14. New York Giants
15. Baltimore Ravens

Great beer for the buck, and nice aftertaste, but it does get tired after a case. All 4 teams have shown maddening inconsistency this season, and I wouldn't pick them while better teams/beers are available. But as the season progresses, you'll find it's hard to talk about the playoffs without including at least 3 of the above in the hunt. My money goes with ATL, ARI and BAL.

National Bohemian

16. Chicago Bears
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
18. New York Jets
19. Miami Dolphins
20. Buffalo Bills
21. Green Bay Packers
22. Carolina Panthers

Surprised I didn't put Baltimore in this category? It took a lot of resistance on my part. In the end, you get more than you paid for, but the result is still cheap. These teams don't have much hope of the playoffs, but given the weakness of the "6th spot" race this year, I can see some of them sneaking in. Don't give up yet, Brett!

Miller Lite

23. San Francisco 49ers
24. Oakland Raiders
25. Tennessee Titans
26. Seattle Seahawks

If it looks like urine, tastes like urine, and smells like urine... In all seriousness, we're reaching the bottom of the cooler. Everyone here is capable of hanging with the above teams/beers, at least until you regain your senses.

Coor's

27. Kansas City Chiefs
28. St. Louis Rams
29. Detroit Lions
30. Washington Redskins
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Coor's is a terrible beer with good PR. These are terrible teams from top to bottom, though. Can you even see any of them being decent in the next few years? Maybe KC and Tampa. I've already written too much about these jokes.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

32. Cleveland Browns

It takes real, true suck to be compared to PBR. But over a 17 game span, the Browns (appropriately named) are 2-0 against Buffalo, 0-15 against EVERYONE ELSE. Besides the Bills fans who probably want to die when they hear that, that's just completely insulting to the league. Cleveland can't hang with anyone on a good week. If they finish with 2 wins, I will be truly shocked. What a waste of money.

If you don't like the rankings, whatever. Comments it up.

- Matt

What the Hell Is Happening with the Red Wings?

Look up Jimmy Howard's performance last night against the Oilers. Conveniently, the Pensblog added commentary.

I took the liberty of looking up some stats for the Wings, thinking they couldn't be as bad as their 4-7 record. However, it looks like they are. Osgood and Howard rank 30th or worse in the league in both GAA and SP. Detroit has given up 41 goals, good for tying for 2nd worst in the league, although Edmonton has played one more game. LA is one of the worse teams with 42 GA, but they've played 3 more than the Red Wings. Toronto is... Toronto.

If the Wings can't play D well, what can they do? Score? They're in the middle of scoring prowess, but they're out Filpulla (broken wrist) and Johan Franzen (Bear AIDS). Combined with the players they lost abroad and to free agency last season, where are the goals to counterbalance the shoddy goaltending/defense going to come from? I believe the Wings make the playoffs every year until proven otherwise, but seeing them without home ice in the first round would be incredibly weird.

---

This is something that's been discussed in Pittsburgh lately: the talk of being like the '84 Oilers. Winning the Cup has already accomplished at least the superficial portion of the comparison. But the alternate theory seems far more credible - the Penguins are the new Red Wings.

Under Bylsma, individual talents have still been able to succeed, but if you don't think the new Pens are all about team play and getting the win, no matter how dirty, you're delusional. Tight-checking, swarming, (during the playoffs, especially with Gill) borderline interfering style of play? Check. Reliable goaltender with an excellent defense around him? Check. 1 or 2 year rentals alongside stars with long term contracts? Check again. Stanley Cup season followed by regular season dominance? Check and mate.

And while Pens fans hate the Red Wings, is there a team you'd rather be in the modern NHL? The Devils always do better than expected in the regular season, then fold under pressure in the playoffs. The Avs haven't been a threat for like 8 years, though they're off to a great start in this one. The Ducks are a mess right now. Those are the only 3 teams that even approached dynasty in the last 15 years. Red Wings after the lockout:

05-06: Lost in 1st round to 8th seeded Edmonton
06-07: Lost in conference finals to eventual champion Anaheim
07-08: Won Stanley Cup
08-09: Lost in Stanley Cup finals

That's 9 playoff round wins in 4 years. The Penguins have 7, the Hurricanes have 6, the Ducks have 5, and Buffalo has 4. Those are the only other playoff teams even worth mentioning since the lockout. Teams could do far worse than being the Red Wings.

- Matt

Cooley Injured

Racistfootballteamname tight end Chris Cooley was injured last night on MNF. The only reason I mention it is because he's the douche who trashed Crosby last year in February. If you need further proof of his douchiness:



That's a popped collar under his jersey. Ugh.

Anyway, in honor of his failure at life, here's the great editing job by a commenter on the Pensblog giving his Wikipedia page the facts it needed: (Click an image to enlarge)







On a similar topic, are the Redskins the worst team in pro football? Stay tuned.

- Matt

Beisbol?

Like Kurt Russell uncovering an ancient evil in a disaster movie, the Yankees hissed an evil paean and won the AL pennant for the first time since 2003. The painful part of this is now I have to root for a Philly team to stop the most hated team in sports. Still, even the asshole of America winning looks better than Mark Traitora hoisting whatever gay trophy MLB uses these days.

I digress. Orioles Hangout had an excellent article about Jeremy Guthrie and his late season surge/improvement. I feel a small amount of attachment to Guts, but with a Pirates-esque losing streak going on, I feel like everyone outside of Jones, Markakis and Wieters are, and should be, expendable. Trembley at least showed the fire for winning on the last game when, rather than leaving Melmo out so he could be subbed in and given a standing ovation in the top of the inning, he pulled him out for a pinch hitter that ultimately allowed the O's to win in extra innings. I'd love to see the Orioles win again, and if that means many beloved members of the team need to go, so be it. There, I said it.

On an unrelated matter, I was thinking about the average intelligence of fans of the various major leagues, and I came up with this unofficial list:

1. Baseball
2. Hockey
3. Soccer*
4. Basketball
5. NFL

The asterisk next to soccer indicates the difference between American and foreign soccer fans. Soccer is the NFL of the rest of the world, and the vast majority of fans behave accordingly. Although to the NFL's credit, fatal riots are exceedingly rare. Since Americans are brought up with peewee soccer and virtually no professional opportunities, it remains a niche sport on the major league level, albeit a fast-growing one. Niche sports often have a more educated (at least within the context of the game) fanbase, and reasonable to boot.

Baseball took number 1 for me because it's really the only one that even deserves the mantle of having "intelligent" fans. It has its fair share of stupid, fairweather fans, but to actually follow it every night requires patience and at least a semblance of an easygoing nature. The most common complaint here in Yinzertown is "I can't watch an entire baseball game". If the Bucs began winning, people would be all about baseball without knowing if their team won or lost the previous night.

Maybe labeling fans of certain sports "intelligent" is unfair. Fairweather fans muddle up every sport, and since the NFL is the most popular of the 5 in this country, it produces the loudest and dumbest voices. It could be a convenient excuse for me to berate the intelligence of Steelers fans, who I know are monumentally dumb. And for the increased ratings and fandom that the "new" NHL is bringing, I become increasingly worried about the kinds of people who follow it. If it were up to me, it would remain a northern niche sport, but in today's corporate TV culture, there's no chance it could sustain itself on such a model.

In short, the patrons demand the gladiator be executed. Who am I to deny them?

- Matt

NHL Power Rankings Revisited

First, vampire movies need to stop. This can not be stressed enough.

Next, you'll see some adjustments in the tiers. Things change, deal with it.

The Favorite

1. Pittsburgh Penguins

Name another team playing in their class right now. And Malkin and Crosby haven't even gotten started yet.

Powerhouses

2. Colorado Avalanche
3. Calgary Flames
4. New York Rangers

New York slips after losing in a blowout to the Sharks, but clearly not by much. Colorado has demonstrated a most admirable resiliency this season and is looking like the early favorite of the West. Calgary has overcome its two bad losses to re-establish control.

Contenders

5. Buffalo Sabres
6. Chicago Blackhawks
7. Ottawa Senators
8. Columbus Blue Jackets
9. Washington Capitals
10. San Jose Sharks
11. Phoenix Coyotes

These teams showed they can compete with the best in the past week, and despite glaring weaknesses for all, their strengths are often enough to overcome them. I had no idea where to put the Sharks, but their big win over the Rangers convinced me to stick them as number 10.

Too Early to Call Contenders

12. Atlanta Thrashers
13. Edmonton Oilers

Have their schedules been easy or are they just lucky? Perhaps they're legit. I think not. But for now, they're as hard as anyone to beat.

Achilles' Heel

14. Los Angeles Kings
15. Philadelphia Flyers
16. Dallas Stars
17. St. Louis Blues
18. New Jersey Devils
19. Anaheim Ducks
20. Detroit Red Wings

Just when you think these guys are playoff material for sure, they go and collapse on you. I feel so wrong about the Kings it's not funny. Good to see the Flyers and Red Wings ranked so low, though.

Injuries Aren't the Only Problem

21. Vancouver Canucks
22. Boston Bruins

Hard divisions, star players out, and a general lack of heart despite early season predictions of success? Bad formula if you ask me.

Flash in the Pan

23. Tampa Bay Lightning
24. Carolina Hurricanes

Barring a real hot stretch like last season, these teams are going to be Eastern Conference bottom dwellers.

Power Outage

25. Montreal Canadiens
26. Florida Panthers
27. Nashville Predators

Scoring has become an issue for these clubs, and more disturbingly, the defenses haven't been good either.

Time Is Running Out

28. Minnesota Wild
29. New York Islanders

If they don't get some wins soon, they're going to fade very fast. Minnesota has a better chance, they've only played one home game thus far. They're 1-0-0 there.

A New Low

30. Toronto Maple Leafs

Yes, they're as bad as they look.

Send disagreements to the comments section, where I can tell you you're wrong.

- Matt

...

Season over. 3.5 games back in week 6, and this isn't last year's Broncos. No way the Chargers beat out two of the Texans, Ravens, Steelers, Bengals, Patriots, Jets, or even the bloody Dolphins for the wild card. I'm glad I can only watch two more of the games on tv this season, it's been a shitty one.

Fire Norv.

- Matt

NHL Power Rankings

I have a long history of mocking power rankings. They are stupid. And yet, useful. So take little stock in these, they're more of a "tier" system than individual number rankings. And if you think the Cup is awarded this early on in the year... you're probably a Rangers/Flyers fan.

The Juggernauts (...bitch)

1. Pittsburgh Penguins
2. Buffalo Sabres
3. New York Rangers
4. Los Angeles Kings

The true titans of the NHL right now. Pittsburgh gets the edge over the two New York teams for, well, beating New York. Buffalo gets the edge over NYR for being undefeated in regulation. Tonight's match between LA and NY should be a good one, and Buffalo visits the Pens Nov. 1st.

The Contenders

5. Chicago Blackhawks
6. Colorado Avalanche
7. Philadelphia Flyers
8. Columbus Blue Jackets
9. Calgary Flames

I originally had CAL as the number 2 team, but come-from-ahead losses to #5 and #8 ruined that. These are all teams that, barring a rash of injuries, will make the postseason this year. Maybe not strong enough with their current rosters to win the Cup, but certainly able to under the right circumstances.

Achilles' Heel

10. Washington Capitals
11. Phoenix Coyotes
12. New Jersey Devils
13. San Jose Sharks
14. Ottawa Senators
15. St. Louis Blues
16. Detroit Red Wings
17. Edmonton Oilers

Each one could be a contender, but has a crippling weakness that, at this point in the season, would make them all first-round fodder. Whether it's a lack of scoring (PHX, DET, NJD, OTT), terrible defensive corps (WAS), subpar goaltending (STL, DET again), or some intangible that helps them lose random games (SJ, EDM), they ain't good enough for the ultimate prize... yet.

Disappointments

18. Vancouver Canucks
19. Boston Bruins
20. Anaheim Ducks
21. Carolina Hurricanes
22. Montreal Canadiens

Picked to do real damage in the NHL this year, the only things they've wrecked are their fans' self-esteem. I think all 5 were in TSN's top 10 at the beginning of the year. At this point, it would barely be a surprise if every one missed the playoffs. But good teams respond from slow starts, so time will tell.

Pretenders

23. Tampa Bay Lightning
24. Nashville Predators
25. Atlanta Thrashers

This category needs no explanation. Let's see where these teams are in a month.

Overachievers

26. New York Islanders
27. Dallas Stars

While not good by any means, they're not nearly as bad as people thought they'd be. NYI has this 2005-06 Penguins thing going on about racking up OT losses, though.

Bad

28. Minnesota Wild

Thought they could be a surprise team this season. Just more proof you don't build a team through free agency.

Awful

29. Florida Panthers

Why is there even a team in Miami?

Forfeit

30. Toronto Maple Leafs

It's so nice to see Brian Burke fail. Trying to become the Flyers Lite, and getting outworked by every "softer" team you face? That's just miserable personnel planning.

Maybe another one of these in a month, I don't care.

Oh, and LA Angels over Yankees in 6, LA Dodgers over Phillies in 7.

- Matt

Modern Era Cup Wins

Needed a hockey article at some point. To answer your question, I haven't written much about the Pens because their play speaks for themselves.

Here's a compilation of number of Stanley Cups won since the 1967-68 season, when the league size doubled. This is not to say Cups awarded before then don't count, but it's harder to judge recent success with the all-time totals. Tiebreakers given to teams that most recently won the Cup:

1. Montreal Canadiens - 10

Holy shit.

2. Edmonton Oilers - 5

Gretzky. Speaking of him, I heard "A King's Random" blew.

3. Detroit Red Wings - 4 (last in '08)

But ask a Wings fan and they'll say 11.

4. New York Islanders - 4 (last in '83)

Surprised? I'm not. Don't move the Isles, I need Strong Island to keep suffering at the hands of the Pens for their '93 upset.

5. Pittsburgh Penguins - 3 (last in '09)

Woooo

6. New Jersey Devils - 3 (last in '03)

Yet another Atlantic division team. The Penguins have had players from all 3 of these Cup victories on their team (Guerin, Sykora, Rupp).

7. Colorado Avalanche - 2 (last in '01)

Every team in the Northwest division has been involved in a Stanley Cup Final, if you count the North Stars as Minnesota instead of Dallas. Only Colorado has never lost in the SCF.

8. Philadelphia Flyers - 2 (last in '75)

Broad Street Buttholes.

9. Boston Bruins - 2 (last in '72)

Isn't it nice to have at least one sport not dominated by New York or Boston in the last 20 years? I think it is. But it's also probably the reason ESPN hates the NHL.

10. Anaheim (Mighty) Ducks - 1 ('07)

Liked the old unis better.

11. Carolina Hurricanes / Hartford Whalers - 1 ('06)

Liked the Whalers better.

12. Tampa Bay Lightning - 1 ('04)

No one would hold it against you for forgetting this Final.

13. Dallas Stars / Minnesota North Stars (contradicted myself) - 1 ('99)

Buffalo is still pissed.

14. New York Rangers - 1 ('94)

Still wish the Pens had faced the Flying Plates of Spaghetti in the Finals that year. Sigh.

15. Calgary Flames - 1 ('89)

Gary Roberts was on this club. Awesome.

16. 2004-05 Lockout - 1

That's all of them. The following teams have made the Finals but failed to win the Cup in modern history:

St. Louis Blues - 3
Chicago Black Hawks / Blackhawks - 3
Buffalo Sabres - 2
Minnesota North Stars (counting as Wild's predecessors now) - 2
Vancouver Canucks - 2
Los Angeles Kings - 1
Florida Panthers - 1 (swept)
Washington Capitals - 1 (swept)
Ottawa Senators - 1

- Matt

MLB Postseason "Preview"

Actually, it's just predictions and shot-from-the-hip musings.

NLDS: Colorado Rockies vs. Philthadelphia Philthies

Personal bias notwithstanding, I like the Rox to win. I hate myself for using "Rox" as their team name, but it's easier to type. Both have wounded pitching staffs (staves?), so I have to go with the hotter team. Plus, no one's won back to back titles since the Yankees in '00.

Colorado in 4

NLDS: St. Louis Cardinals vs. Los Angeles Dodgers

This might be closer than people think. Then again, it might not. Wackiness abounds.

Los Angeles in 4

ALDS: Minnesota Twins vs. New York Yankees

Twins are riding hot, but the Yankees did win a fuckton of games this season, even up until the end of the year. This is probably the year the Yanks piss us all off and win their first postseason series since 2004. It should be close, though.

New York in 5

ALDS: Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels

At the beginning of the year, I predicted the Red Sox would take both the AL Wild Card and the World Series title. After seeing only two of my eight predicted playoff teams fail miserably (Oakland A's and New York Mets), you'd expect me to ride the Red Sox all the way to the title. Not this year. Finally LA will get their revenge on Boston for all those early-round exits. However, this postseason wouldn't be complete without insufferable coverage of a possible NY-BOS ALCS, so I'm thinking it goes down to the wire.

Los Angeles in 5

Can't do the second round for real until we know which 4 teams are in it. I think the Dodgers beat the Angels for the WS title. Which, strangely, is exactly what I thought last year. It would also guarantee a Pittsburgh / LA split in 2009 titles. Like that means anything.

- Matt

Why I Will Never Be Confused With Nostradamus

Back in February, I made predictions about the O's hitters. I'm all about holding people accountable for their predictions, which is why Will won't ever let me forget how I picked Seattle to win the NFC this year.

[Optimism]

At first glance, the only smart thing I did was refrain from predicting pitching stats. Let's see how I did: (Bold stats mean better than predicted)

1. Brian Roberts: 110 R, 179 H, 56 2B, 1 3B, 16 HR, 79 RBI, 74 BB, 112 SO, 30 SB, .283 AVG, .356 OBP

2. Adam Jones: 83 R, 140 H, 22 2B, 3 3B, 19 HR, 70 RBI (exact), 36 BB, 93 SO, 10 SB, .277 AVG, .335 OBP

Note: only played 3/4 of the season, still nearly beat every prediction I had. Beast.

3. Nick Markakis: 94 R, 188 H, 45 2B, 2 3B (exact), 18 HR, 101 RBI, 56 BB, 98 SO, 6 SB, .293 AVG, .347 OBP

Whoops.

4. Aubrey Huff: 59 R, 129 H, 30 2B, 1 3B, 15 HR, 85 RBI, 51 BB, 87 SO, 0 SB, .241 AVG, .309 OBP

Note: Traded mid-season. I blame the Tigers.

5. Melvin Mora: 44 R, 117 H, 20 2B, 0 3B, 8 HR, 48 RBI, 34 BB, 60 SO, 3 SB, .260 AVG, .321 OBP

Note: Missed around 35 games. Still, terrible prediction. See ya, Melmo.

6. Luke Scott: 61 R, 116 H, 26 2B, 1 3B, 25 HR (exact), 77 RBI, 55 BB, 104 SO, 0 SB, .258 AVG, .340 OBP (exact)

Note: By far the closest prediction I managed.

7. Cesar Izturis: 34 R, 99 H, 14 2B, 4 3B, 2 HR, 30 RBI, 18 BB, 38 SO, 12 SB, .256 AVG, .294 OBP

Note: Only played 3/4 of the season.

8. Gregg Zaun: 34 R, 68 H, 17 2B, 0 3B, 8 HR, 27 RBI, 31 BB, 48 SO, 0 SB, .260 AVG, .345 OBP (exact)

Note: Replaced by Wieters. In addition to playing half the season, he was traded to Tampa Bay.

9. Felix Pie: 38 R, 67 H, 10 2B (exact), 3 3B, 9 HR, 29 RBI, 24 BB, 58 SO, 1 SB, .266 AVG, .326 OBP

Note: Only played 101 games this season.

So what can you take away from this? I had reasonably good predictions, if you ignored what I thought Markakis and Mora would accomplish this year. I predicted 75 wins, the O's got 64. Fortunately, I don't get paid to do this.

In the end, I thought it was a fitting cap for the Orioles' season for them to win on back to back walk-off bunts. It's been a truly bizarre year, one that I thought might never end, and at last it has. It coincides perfectly with hockey season as well.

Divisional Playoff pick:

MIN over DET by 5 (10-5)

- Matt

Kiss My Ring, Bitch

Go Pens. 2 days.

- Matt

Bandwagon Jumper of the Week, Week 3

We have to start doing other entries for this blog sometime.

This week's Jumper comes from our nation's capital. The home of the most racist team name in pro sports is now host to the team infamous for breaking the Lions' 19-game dry spell. Naturally, there will be some who are less than pleased with a platoon of overpaid, overhyped myrmidons:

[Washington Joke]

First of all, the guy looks like he wants to bang your dog. His shitfit focuses on how management has consistently ignored any semblance of an offensive line. While he's right on this count, in typical Washingtonian fashion he exhibits the composure of a Hyde Park ranter, smeared in his own fecal matter, waving his arms around and claiming the sky is falling. You're welcome for that image.

- Matt

Bandwagon Jumper of the Week, Week 2

This week's award goes to...

[waaahhhhh]

I don't think I even need to break this article down. Apparently the Pats are the greatest franchise in professional sports and to lose to the Jets means all Hell has broken loose. What else would you expect from Bahhhstahhhn?

- Matt

ESCAPE FROM OAKLAND

Jesus. Next week we see how legit the Ravens and Chargers are. Go Bolts.

- Matt

Monday Night Double Feature!

And I'm not even talking about my amazing two posts in one day.

Tonight the Pats host the Bills and the Chargers (wooo) visit Oakland. The total record of the Pats and Bolts against their respective opponents over the last 11 games is 22-0. The teams will play in nifty AFL uniforms and the refs look like carnival barkers. That's pretty much all you need to know.

Buffalo @ New England: I'm not sure there's a single matchup that works heavily in favor of the Bills. Overall, this could end up a pretty brutal game for Buffalo. As I write this, the Bills made a nice fourth down stop, but if you think that's the game, you're deluded. And probably also from upstate New York.

San Diego @ Oakland: Good Lord, how is this game always on Monday Night Football? I see no reason for non-Chargers fans to stay up for this game. Hell, I might not even stay up for it. It's going to be either an ugly, ugly win by Oakland (not very likely), a surprisingly ugly win by the Bolts (somewhat likely), or a blowout with little entertainment value (most likely). You just hope that LT can pile up some yards and confidence.

Ranking of unis tonight:

1. San Diego powder blues
2. New England surreal red and goofy logo
3. Buffalo classic
4. Oakland classic... normal?
5.
6. Refs... what the fuck.

- Matt

Bandwagon Jumper of the Week

New feature, woohoo!

This week's bandwagon jumper comes from "sunny" Pittsburgh (seriously, clouds, go away). Also known as the guy who wrote the Penguins completely off in February, Gene Collier spends weekends rubbing his penis against Steelers championship DVDs and hoping he can one day touch (w)Hines Ward's behines. He writes, and I use that term generously, for the Post-Gazette:

[PPG]

He laments the Steeler rushing game as terrible, pretty standard stuff for the last year or so. But it's pretty remarkable to see someone bitch about beating last season's regular season champions, a team renowned for their tough D, because Parker didn't break 100 yards. It might have to do with not opening against the Browns or Texans. That said, I hope the Steelers go 1-15 this year. And Chubby Ben gets AIDS.

As for this feature, I anticipate having to bookmark the website of whatever Minnesota's biggest newspaper is. My second highest most likely source will be the Philly Inquirer. And I'm keeping an eye on you, Baltimore. Now to knock on wood for the next 12 hours.

- Matt

NFL Predictions

Everyone and their mother has one. If you want to read hilarious playoff picks, go to tsn.ca today and look up Schultz's NFC Championship matchup. Eagles @ Cowboys? Good lord...

AFC:

The Steelers are still the team to beat. They returned basically the entire team and got key personnel back from injury. That said, there's no way in hell they luck out as much as last year with fluky plays. I'd say officiating factored in, but a) I'm not a retard and b) every team has to deal with the shitty refs.

1. New England (13-3)
2. Pittsburgh (13-3)
3. San Diego (11-5)
4. Indianapolis (10-6)
5. Baltimore (11-5)
6. Tennessee (10-6)

Playoff predictions at this point would be just stupid.

NFC:

Blah blah Vick blah blah blah Favre blah blah nutsacks blah Romo.

None of that even matters. If you want to bank on something, bet that Favre's last snap behind center this season will end with a team-killing interception.

1. Seattle (13-3)
2. Atlanta (12-4)
3. Minnesota (11-5)
4. NY Giants (11-5)
5. Philadelphia (10-6)
6. Green Bay (10-6)

You just know that first round matchup between the Vikings and Packers will happen. And I'll bet the Packers win, too.

Super Bowl: San Diego over whatever. Never pretended to be unbiased.

Now when does hockey start again?

Not a Ravens Fan, But...

This hurts:

[TSN]

Now the birds' situation looks all the more desperate; you don't want to ruin Flacco with WR scrubs. Harrison's leverage just skyrocketed.

On the Bolts side of things, I still can't understand why so many predict a large fall for this season. Both for the team and LT. Last year, the Chargers' two best players were out (LT was essentially out with his toe injury) and they still made the playoffs, and ohbytheway beat the hottest team in the NFL at the time, the Colts. All without a sliver of pass D.

This is a young team that gets better every year. The fact that opponents now need to plan for Sproles as well as LT suggests a minor renaissance for the big man. Merriman will cause havoc, especially if English is any good. Rivers had the best QB rating in the league last year, throwing TDs to 9 different players. Once the D improves, the offense will look that much better.

Will they win 14 games again? No. Will they win their division? Likely. Will the "hard" schedule hurt them? A little I suppose. But even in their "terrible" year last year, they amassed a 5-1 record in their division, 6-0 if not for Hochuli. The Bolts under Turner have consistently won when it matters most. I expect more of the same this season.

- Matt

NHL Season Preview

Who cares beyond that.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Roethlisberger

It is no secret I'm not a fan of Ben Roethlisberger.

Let me amend that. I'm a fan of his style of play. I think he's the most clutch quarterback in the NFL. I think every team needs a QB like him in order to win.

But the guy is an insufferable douche.

So when news broke of Big Bitch being sued for sexual assault, I began to think, how probable is this to be true?

Naturally, superstars (especially ones that have just gotten national recognition for winning championships) are prone to scams and parasites trying to make a quick buck, just for existing. So when someone says an athlete did something to them, I'm a little naturally inclined to disbelieve them, especially when they are from a lower socioeconomic background. However, the ultimate say goes to the athlete's character. Not as a leader, or on the field personality, but as a human being. How do they typically treat people they view as "beneath them", beyond the mandatory community service given to them by their agent. And in the 5 years I've lived in Pittsburgh, I can unequivocally say, Ben Roethlisberger is a douche.

Naturally, there are two "most likely" scenarios that have happened:

1. Roethlisberger has had no interaction with this girl in his life, and she's trying to get money off the Super Bowl winning quarterback.

2. Roethlisberger partied like a douchey frat boy with this girl, but did not sexually assault her.

Usually I would add "the girl consented and later claimed she didn't" to the list, but I don't see it in this case.

Now, look at this one comment by Roethlisberger's lawyer:

"This weekend Andrea McNulty served Ben Roethlisberger with a civil complaint accusing him of sexually assaulting her in July 2008. Ben has never sexually assaulted anyone; especially Andrea McNulty." Bold mine.

What the fuck does that even mean? Is it a poor choice of words, or deliberately trying to publicly humiliate the woman for daring to file a suit? If he indeed sexually assaulted her, it could be revenge for her opening her mouth. It just seems that, in a position with nothing to gain and everything to lose, why would you add that last part in a prepared statement? The rest of the quote:

"The timing of the lawsuit and the absence of a criminal complaint and a criminal investigation are the most compelling evidence of the absence of any criminal conduct."

Yeah, good luck with that argument. It's not like being sexually assaulted is a traumatic experience and the majority of victims go unreported. Oh wait.

My point is, on first examination, it seems like another case of someone trying to profit off of a superstar. However, there are enough quirks to this story to legitimize the suit, and even those with black-and-gold-colored glasses have to admit, it's entirely possible Roethlisberger assaulted this girl.

Alternate Theory: his lawyer is a huge douche, and is not only exercising his douchedom, but by inserting his foot squarely into his mouth, he might give more credence to the opposing argument and be able to bleed his client for more money. Good times.

- Matt

July Blows

So bored.

Here’s an NHL awards prediction for next year:

Art Ross: Evgeni Malkin
Why: He’s the best player in the NHL.

Hart Trophy: Alexander Ovechkin
Why: The sportswriters that vote for MVP won’t stop picking him as long as he gets 50 goals a season.

Vezina: Martin Brodeur
Why: Jacques Lemaire should be murdered. His D will protect Brodeur.

Jack Adams: Ron Wilson
Why: The Maple Leafs are making the playoffs.

Rocket Richard: Alexander Ovechkin
Why: Who else?

Calder: John Tavares
Why: Because he’s the first teenager since Crosby to live up to the hype.

Selke: Pavel Datsyuk
Why: I’m assuming he stays healthy.

Norris Trophy: Niklas Lidstrom
Why: He should win it every year.

Surprises: Toronto Maple Leafs, Minnesota Wild
Disappointments: New York Rangers, San Jose Sharks
Good or Poop: Tampa Bay Lightning, Anaheim Ducks

Stanley Cup: Vancouver over Boston in 6. Whatever.

Real Stanley Cup: Penguins over Everyone Else in 3.

- Matt

You'll Get Goosebumps

This just in:

The Penguins are Stanley Cup champions.

While I kid, take a look at possibly the most amazing video ever made-

http://www.benstonium.com/pens_tribute_2009.htm

If that doesn't make your arm hair stand on end, nothing in this world will.

I know I haven't said much about anything on this blog for ages.

But when your favorite team in your favorite sport wins your favorite championship, with your favorite current athlete holding the most storied trophy in all of sports, with your favorite athlete of all time smiling and looking on, well...



You said it, Metallica.

Go Pens. Go O's. Fuck the haters.

- Matt

Hahahahahahahaha Suck itttttttt

Woooooooo

[TSN]

MATT WIETERS. O'S WIN!

In many sports, a single game can swing momentum. Even moments in a game can push you on the way towards a great season. In hockey, a fight can change everything. In football, a crushing hit can lift your team. In baseketball, your star pussing out from a minor injury and acting like he got shot can... I'm bored.

Point is, this was not one of those games, so take your hands off your collective shaft. Matt Wieters will be great, but he's hardly going to turn the O's into contenders simply by being in the majors for the rest of the season. But he will give the entire city a desperately needed reason to hope for the future. That much was evident last night.

Anyway, recap o clock:

Top 1st: First pitch and... BUNT?!? Wieters handles it like a pro, fancy that.

Will: "It doesn't work like that."

Izturis ends the inning as Bergesen allows only one hit. I sound surprised.

Mid 1st: What is up with my favorite teams playing Detroit this weekend? Back to back Pens games for the Finals, and a weekend set against the Tigers. I'm sure the Lions lost to the Chargers this weekend, you have no proof they didn't.

Bot 1st: Wieters batting 7th. So not seeing him this inning is a strong possibility.

B-Rob draws a 5 pitch walk. Looks like the D-Train gives out EZ-PASS. I know that was a stretch.

So's your mom.

Potential double play again thwarted by Willis' inability to throw accurately. Whatchoo talkin bout, Willis? Sorry, it had to be done.

Another potential double play ruined by Jones' quality slide. Two out. Huffrey pops out, but guarantees a Wieters at bat next inning!

Top 2nd: Gary Thorne begrudgingly shills for a stuffed Chik-Fil-A cow toy. How the O's have fallen.

Bergesen gets a K while you grammar check that last paragraph. Two outs. Inning over a second later.

Mid 2nd: Matt Wieters.

Bot 2nd: Walk issued to Mora. Luuuuuuke singles, and Wieters walks out to thunderous applause and Hell's Bells. He flies out to right, and Mora bolts for third. Out.

I like what Mora was trying to do. Why? He's the clubhouse leader, and he's trying to show Wieters what a spark he's giving the rest of the team. If he'd made it to 3rd, Wieters' first AB would have provided a sacrifice play. During that, Reimold somethings, inning over.

Top 3rd: Bergesen locks on and delivers another solid inning.

Bot 3rd: Izzy grounds out, no one cares. B-Rob singles and punches AIDS in the groin. Mr. Jones bats for about 8 months and singles to a gap, moving Roberts to 3rd. Honeybear plates B-Rob and Jones moves to third. 1-0 O's! Unfortunately, Jones is caught in a rundown between 3rd and home, 2 outs. Looks like the O's are going to waste another potential big inning.

But wait, Mora loads the bases. Can Scott get it done?

djkhfkjsdb befdhj. LUUUUUUUUUUKE!!! GRAND SLAM!!! 3rd lefty to EVER homer off of Willis! 5-0 O's!

Wieters again, but he grounds out to the mound. But what an inning.

Top 4th: Before you know it, two outs. Wow, Bergesen has been really sharp tonig- Inning over. 10 batters in a row for Bergesen. I credit Wieters.

Mid 4th: Ooh, look at the pretty rainbow.

Bot 4th: Reimold who is not Matt Wieters, doubles with style. Izzy follows with a single, extending his hit streak to 4 games. B-Rob places his sac in D-Train's mouth and plates Reimold. 6-0 O's!

Mr. Jones... hit! Kakes... not so much. Double play, inning over.

Top 5th: While Roch is jobbing around, Bergesen gets a couple outs. Some douche hits a single, but Iceberg is cool and ends the inning.

Mid 5th: This crowd came for the Wieters, and stayed for the O's fulfilling their offensive potential... so far. Halfway there.

Bot 5th: Willis finally helps his team and retires Mora on a weird chopper. If you're even still watching, I salute you.

LUUUUUUUUKE and the air raid siren! Make that 4 lefty homers off of Willis. 7-0 O's! Some toothless kid celebrates on the balcony. If you can get a picture of him, I owe you big time.

Wieters rises to 0-3, inning over.

Top 6th: Thorne leaks the fact the O's knew Luke Scott would hit two homers tonight. What an announcer!

Bergesen retires the side before you can touch yourself.

Mid 6th: John Harbaugh with a clutch appearance. But last I checked, football season doesn't start for a few months.

Bot 6th: If you're not at least tipsy by this point, you're not trying. Inning goes faster than your erection when you banged that fat chick. Yes, I know about that.

Top 7th: Firefox flips shit, and somehow the Tigers score. I had forgotten they were even playing until that point. 7-1 O's. Inning over? Don't know/care.

Mid 7th: Oh, looks like it's 7-2 O's now.

Bot 7th: 2 outs in a row, then Huffrey notches a hit and pees all over Robertson, who's in the bullpen for some reason.

Blah.

Top 8th: Who's the player of the game? Clearly Matt Wieters.

Quick 1-2-3 for Bergesen. Please leave him in for the CG, Trembley!

Bot 8th: Crowd of 42,700 announced, with 15,000 buying tickets after Wieters' arrival was announced. Another shrewd move by MacPhail.

Speaking of Wieters, he strikes out. Guess his career will begin 0-4. Men on 1st and 2nd, but the O's are unable to capitalize.

Top 9th: And just like that, the Tigers get a double. I'd tell you who it was, but you don't care.

Single, runners at the corners. Bergesen leaves to a standing ovation. Johnson trots out. Quick out and clutch strikeout, with Wieters smothering the ball well. Popout, game, Matt Wieters.

Aftermath:

I'd link to articles and whatever, but I don't have time. I have to get ready to leave for Detroit in less than an hour. Second NHL playoff game ever, first on enemy ice! LET'S GO PENS!

And O's. Let's go O's too.

- Matt

Quality of Pens' Playoff Opponents

Another short entry!

I decided to rank the Pens' 7 playoff opponents under Crosby as captain. This is only based on the level of playoff prowess the opponent showed, not on any regular season statistics or whatever.

1. 2008 Detroit Red Wings (L in 6, opp. won Stanley Cup)

2. 2007 Ottawa Senators (L in 5, opp. was runner up in SCF)

3. 2009 Washington Capitals (W in 7, opp. went 7-7)

4. 2009 Philadelphia Flyers (W in 6, opp. lost in first round)

5. 2008 Philadelphia Flyers (W in 5, opp. upset two division winners)

6. 2008 New York Rangers (W in 5, opp. took Pens to OT in game 5)

7. 2008 Ottawa Senators (W in 4, opp. was completely outclassed)

It's hard to contest that the Wings were the best team of the 7. Numbers 4 and 5 are debatable, but I think the edge went to this year's Flyers, as the last year version kind of died after game 2.

The aggregate record for the "new" Pens:

2007: 1-4
2008: 14-6
2009: 8-5

Total: 23-15

In particular, Crosby's statistics over that span:

2007: 5 gms, 5 pts
2008: 20 gms, 27 pts (T-1st)
2009: 13 gms, 21 pts (T-1st)

Total: 38 gms, 53 pts. Holy crap.

- Matt

Worst Owner in Baseball

Can you argue with this? Didn't think so.

Why Caps Fans Can't Feel Bad About How Their Team's Season Ended

Before I get to the topic at hand, I have some thoughts:

* Holy shit, what a series. I can't honestly remember a series this intense and entertaining in the 20 years I've been watching hockey. I don't think I've ever seen a playoff series in any sport live up to the hype quite like this one.

* Pens fans - can you believe how far the team has come in 3+ months?!? Eastern Conference finalists again! Never take it for granted!

* The new Green Day song is so fucking terrible

* X-Men Origins: Wolverine was also fucking terrible

* It was so nice to see Crosby's skills on display on the national level. This is why he's a big deal. If only they'd covered his off-ice work ethic and beyond-the-call-of-duty charity work. But enough gushing about my favorite player.

Washington Capitals fans:

1. The emergence of Alex Semin and Simeon Varlamov cannot be taken lightly. These two names will be household next season, and they're both amazing players who will make Ovechkin's job so much easier to dominate.

2. Ovechkin is clearly the real deal. 11 goals in 14 games, 21 points in that same span. He was a force on the ice every shift. Whenever he had the puck, my buttcheeks clenched. Point is, he established himself as a true great this postseason.

3. The Caps won their first playoff season in a long, long time (first under Ted Leonsis). If that isn't progress, I don't know what is.

4. Caps fans showed an amazing amount of maturity during the last few minutes of Game 7. Cheering their team constantly, even though there was a clear losing effort, shows an enormous amount of class. This is a foundation of true fanhood, as well as heartbreaking playoff loss. The Caps' fanbase should be in good shape for many years to come.

5. The national exposure generated by this series ensures that the Caps will be one of the most popular NHL franchises for at least the next 5 years. This can only help Caps fans and the organization as a whole. Think about going to NYC for the weekend and being able to talk Caps with random people on the street. If that doesn't make you feel good, I don't know what can.

Anyway, hopefully that shows why the Caps are in good shape for years to come. If Ovechking doesn't win a Cup in the next 10 seasons, I don't know shit about hockey.

- Matt

PS- LET'S GO PENS!

Sports?

Yeah, this has nothing to do with anything. But I love this goddamn clip from Robot Chicken:



Wooooooo!

Thanks For Playing, part 1

Well, half of the first round playoff series are over, meaning 4 teams have made their tee times. As usual, if you're expecting some sort of in-depth statistical analysis from me, die.

St. Louis Blues - The Blues deserved better than a sweep at the hands of the red-hot Canucks. However, they've got a lot to look forward to. They were pretty much screwed by injuries all season, and still managed to roll into the playoffs with the best final 10 game stretch (most on the road no less). They should leave well enough alone, find out who the valuable role players are on the team and try to keep them. Avoid the path of the high-priced free agent. An intact Blues team may even challenge for the division next year. Not really, but I like giving them hope.

Montreal Canadiens - 100th season didn't pan out the way you expected, eh fans? In some ways, it's karmic retribution for trying to stuff the All-Star game ballots. I liked seeing the sense of entitlement fade into despair by season's end. However, the Habs have much more to worry about. Namely, will they even make the playoffs next year? They fell apart worse than Terry Schiavo's life support after the ASG. That's all the space I'm willing to devote to these guys.

Columbus Blue Jackets - Aw. I really wanted them to win a playoff game. They came close to getting a home victory in game 4. But really, the Detroit Red Wings were just too good for them, especially when Osgood channels Patrick Roy during the playoffs. Sad to see them go, but they've got as good a chance as anyone of returning next year, and this time grabbing a victory. They just need a good matchup for once. Nash will not be denied playoff success. Mark it down.

Philadelphia Flyers - Missing: Jeff Carter. Last seen since: regular season. #17 for the Flyers had a single point (a game 3 goal) during the 6-game series, while the #1 players for Pittsburgh, Malkin and Crosby, had a combined 17 points during the playoffs. If that isn't a stretch, I don't know what is. At any rate, their star players failed to come up big in the postseason. Their top two lines all had minus or even ratings. The Flyers' fourth line was relied on far too much. And as usual with this undisciplined club, when they became emotional they completely fell apart. Their game 6 epic (EPIC!) collapse was pure proof of how to beat the Flyers: get them to stop thinking about hockey. All in all, there's no way I would rather have seen this series ended than abject humiliation in front of a home crowd of 20,000 assholes. Enjoy the offseason, you Obsessed-With-Crosby bastards.

- Matt

Stuff and Junk

Like a Flyers fan's penis, this post will be very short.

Pens: What a fucking way to open the playoffs. The Flyers were outmatched in nearly every category, especially the faceoffs. Staal was 11/14 alone. Malkin brought the house down in the third with his steal/goal. The fans were amazing, cheering every hard shift, even when it didn't even result in a shot. Also, I got a free towel. Woo!

O's: WHY CAN'T WE WIN A GAME 3?!? Moreover, why can't we keep opponents to single digits in game 3. Blahhhhh. Oh well, 6-3 to open the season is acceptable.

Bolts/Ravens: When they meet, I will enjoy the game.

Caps: I will keep this respectful. The Rags match up well with Washington, maybe moreso than any of the other low seeds. I still think WAS in 6, but dropping a game at home is always a dangerous proposition.

Scott Hartnell: is a diving, long-haired bitch. Straight up.

- Matt

ESPN Doesn't Care About Black (and Orange) People

The tears from Monday’s victory over the New York Yankees just keep flooding in.

I already linked the Rosenthal’s article on Fox Sports, where he seems to think booing the Yankees was only popular because of the recession, and that we were taking our frustrations out on our “betters”. But Colin Cowherd demonstrates the big-market arrogance of ESPN once again, blasting O’s fans for daring to boo one of the two teams his network cares about.

Orioles Hangout has an article about these two guys, and includes a quote from Cowherd’s joke of a show. They did a good job criticizing these two hacks, but I feel like more is needed. Let me break it down:

“People who yell out ‘you’re a sellout’, ‘you’re a corporate prostitute’, they never get offered anything by Corporate America. It’s easy to yell that. It’s the garage band that rips U2…”

First, no one still listens to U2. Well, no one with hair. And second, you make it sound like Tex was going to make $30,000 a year if he didn’t take this offer. It was a difference of less than $2.5 million a year, which after taxes is less than $1.5 million a year. If you really cared about a team, you’d take a discount. See: everyone on the Detroit Red Wings. Oh, and real original argument. Self-justification much?

”Bottom line? You don’t get booed unless you matter. Nobody boos the Baltimore Orioles when they’re on the road because nobody cares.”

To ESPN, Baltimore only matters when they’re the Red Sox’s doormat. I don’t know, maybe if the worldwide leader gave us some coverage instead of will-he / won’t-he soap opera bullshit about Terrell Owens (who they profess not to care about then obsess over), people would care. I know Cowherd’s just speaking out of bitterness, but really dude. If you think the same thing wouldn’t have happened if the O’s screwed another team out of their hometown hero in the making, you’re a bigger fool than I thought.

”Oriole fans are a symbol of what’s wrong with America.”

Huh?

”Jealousy, anger, and resentment toward the successful people.”

Oh, right, we’re jealous. Classic Yankee fan argument. And last I checked, the thing that was ruining our economy was the “successful” people making shitloads of money off of harebrained schemes involving a free lunch. Most of which were based in, gasp, New York. Oh, but if we didn’t complain about them fucking us over, everything would be fine. I hope New York falls into a hole in the Earth, I really wouldn’t notice anything but the increased quiet.

”Oriole fans, you may not be sharp enough to get this, but you just validated Teixeira and validated why nobody talks about you on the radio.”

No one in Baltimore listens to the radio because we discovered the Internet years ago. And how did we “validate” Tex? He chose the Yankees because they offered more money, not because he didn’t think we’re classy enough. If the O’s had offered more than the Yankees, he’d be insincerely harping on about how much he idolized Ripken as a kid and how Baltimore is the best city in the world, and how much his wife loves it here and is not sad at all they didn’t end up in New York. But the Yankees fans listening to you in their snuggies while they’re unemployed in your shit waste of a city were probably laughing that you implied we’re dumb. Oh well, at least I still have hair.

”Orioles fan, you may think you won last night, but you came across as small, angry, petty, clueless, and phony.”

Let me fix that sentence for you:

Colin Cowherd, you may think you made a point, but you came across as small, angry, petty, clueless, and phony.

Ah, much better.

Go O’s.

- Matt

Opening Day vs. Yankees

A lot has been made of this game. Teixiera returning to Baltimore as a hated figure. Sabathia getting way too much money. A Rod likes men. New Orioles all over the place. Take any main storyline you like. But here's a real one:

Sabathia shit the bed, and badly. Jones and Roberts carried the team in a big way. And the O's pitchers were just good enough to get the win.

Top 1st

Guts out for the O's. He had a billion ERA during Spring Training and the WBC. If you want real numbers, ask your grandmother.

Jeter ruins Guthrie's no-hitter. Yawn. His injured boyfriend must be pleased.

BOOOOOO! You can always count on BMore to bring the hate. I love it.

YEAAAAAAAAH! Tex sees a $20 bill on the ball and pops it up, hoping to knock the money off. No chance.

Bottom 1st

B Rob and Mr. Jones get on base. Honeybear can't take advantage. Melmo swings at ball 4, and B Rob is out at the plate as a result. Somehow B Rob saves 3 lives in the process, simply because he rules. Gary Thorne is bitter about the tag.

Balls.

Top 2nd

Posada bwuises his widdle toe and goes to first. Guts gets some outs. Whatever.

Bottom 2nd

LUUUUUUKE! Did someone yell "fail" on strike 2? Douche.

Sabathia eats a Happy Meal and retires the side.

Top 3rd

Luke Scott throws a single to left into orbit. Huff commands it into his glove. Damon hits a ballsac fly and the Yankees take the lead. 1-0 New York.

Traitor up to bat. The boos cascade. Then wild cheers when he fails to Guthrie. Some shit happens, A Rod touches himself or a little boy, inning over.

Bottom 3rd

Izzy lets loose and gets a single. Where was Teixiera? Sabathia is caught singing "five dollar footlong" to himself and Izturis steals second. Wooo.

B Rob walks, maintaining his perfect season. Mr. Jones sleeps with Sabathia's fat mother and knocks the ball to the deep corner. Izzy and B Rob score, Mr. Jones gets to third base, but out of the bedroom this time. 2-1 O's, sluts.

Honeybear gets it done seconds later. Mr. Jones runs in, 3-1 O's.

Melmo and Huffrey end the inning. It's good anyway.

Top 4th

I'm confused. Sheila Dixon has a heavy New York accent? Bizarre.

Guts flexes his nuts and gets 3 outs. Meh.

Bottom 4th

Wiggity Wack (name pending) gets his first hit as an Oriole.

Scotty doesn't know... how to strike out. Walk city. Looks promising.

Wait. The home plate umpire's name is Randy Marsh? You know what that makes me think of...

[FF to 9:20]

Wiggity tags to third, and Izzy steps up 2 tha streets. This should be-

Barf. Double play... inning over.

Top 5th

Joe Biden contributes to a surreal split screen. What the ass is Biden talking about? Does he look like Bill Maher or is it just me?

Before you know it, some dick gets a triple. Guts is distracted by politicsblog and walks General Benedict. Melmo smiles and the world of some douche ends, as does the inning.

Bottom 5th

B Rob puts the world on his shoulders and hits a ground rule double. Mr. Jones stares down the third baseman and gets a single.

Unreal pic of Markakis as an incredibly orange child. Kakes gets a puny infield hit, key word is hit. Jeter and Mayor McCheese are stunned. 4-1 O's.

Melmo loads the bases. Huffrey up, gets out but also an RBI. 5-1 O's. Intentional walk for Wiggity.

Luuuuuuuke draws a nice walk from an 0-2 hole and gets an inadvertent RBI. 6-1 O's. Sabathia:

4.1 IP, 6 ER, 0 K. The REAL #52:



Not impressed.

Rest of inning's whatever, already up by 5.

Top 6th

Before you can finish cupping your balls, Posada hits a home run. 6-2 O's.

Some joke gets on, and Janie Damon knocks a double... into a fan's hand. No interference, why? 6-3 O's.

Guts recovers though and gets the quality start, as well as a piece of the Aggro Crag.

Middle 6th

O's are 29-14 on Opening Day since 1966. Holy shit.

Also, what was Nady thinking on out 3? That was retarded.

Bottom 6th

Blah.

Top 7th

Jim Palmer has a good feeling about Ray. If you're saying "oh shit" to yourself, you're not alone.

Instant hit. BOOOOOO up to bat. Izzy makes the crowd happy. How solid has Izturis been defensively so far? What a pickup.

And suddenly Matsui makes it 6-5. Jesus balls.

Another hit, Ray yanked. Johnny Walker Orange label to pitch.

Except just kidding. Sarfate time. Mora makes a nice play and suddenly the inning's over.

7th Inning Stretch



Bottom 7th

Roch from the Sun gets interviewed. Female Reporter calls him out on his bad jokes. Gary and Jim agree. You leave to take a piss, and... inning over.

Top 8th

Nick Swisher apparently still plays baseball. According to Gary Thorne, he "celebates", which I'm sure is accurate, because none of the Yankees have ever laid a woman.

Dude on 3rd with one out. Bad news, except Jimmy Johnson cock punches Jeter. Great job by Zaun protecting the plate.

BOOOOOOO! Roberts shows him what a real O's fan would do: ruin the Yankees' lives. In the process, he cures cancer. What a human.

Bottom 8th

Luuuuuuuuke leads off. While he's making dirty calls to Jeter's mother, he strikes out. Gregggggg Zaun doubles for his first hit of the season.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. How goddamn ironic is this?!? Izzy hits the ball to deep left. Fan interference for a home run NOT SEEN BY THE UMPS. I HAVE to check Yankee message boards for their tears later. Words cannot express how this makes me feel. dljghfslkjbfbb ebhfjb. 8-5 O's.

B Rob grounds out. Damon is crying. Mr. Jones spends 2 hours on an at bat and draws a nice walk. You consider buying a Jones jersey.

Kakes gets a nice 2-out single. Wild pitch and the force out is gone like Britney Spears' virginity at age 13.

Bases loaded. Huffrey at bat. Clean double and suddenly it's 10-5 O's. Consider the cushion restored.

The Yankees give up and pitch to Wigginton for some reason. Out anyway.

Top 9th

George Sherill comes out and pees on the Yankees. Game.

Game Notes

* Teixiera was clearly affected by the booing. 0 for 4 and out of position for an Izzy hit.

* Player of the game: Adam Fucking Jones. 3 for 3, 2 BB, Beast.

* Did Jeter play?

* BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

* B Rob saves.

Aftermath

Check out this crybaby:


[Fox Sports]

Waaaaaaaah everyone should like the Yankees. He even has a poll asking why people like to boo the Yankees. Here's an idea:

You're arrogant fucktards who make Godfather-esque offers to players and can somehow afford to overpay every player on your roster. You're a symbol of all that's wrong with the sport, and your fans are pissants to boot. Get real.

And yesterday's game resembling the recession and the country as a whole? Get over yourself, it's fucking sports. Jesus. I can only imagine how bad the YES announcers were...

Go O's. AL East leaders.

- Matt

O say does that star spangled....

Tomorrow is Opening Day. The renewed hatred for the New York Yankees should be in full force tomorrow. Expect pictures of Teixiera chasing a $20 bill, A Rod taking something into his ass (it's not your first guess, it's actually steroids) and C.C. Sabathia fat jokes in my recap.

As for the O's themselves, let's take a look at some spring training stats:

Jolbert (awesome name) Cabrera led the regulars with hitting .457 in 46 AB

Markakis hit .407 in 59 AB with 8 doubles and 3 HR.

Izturis, Jones, Wieters, Montanez, and Moore all hit above .300

Quiroz hit .300

Luke Scott hit 5 doubles, 5 home runs, and bashed in a team-high 15 RBI.

Scott Moore led with 2 triples.

Aubrey Huff had a subpar spring training, but he knocked in 11 RBI despite a .237 average.

Hitting conclusions: Felix Pie needs some time to mature in the minors... MelMo quietly had a good spring, hitting .280 in limited AB... BRob did well in the WBC, not so much in spring training. Let's hope he returns to form tomorrow... If the O's flirt with a winning record, Markakis will be in consideration for MVP. BANK ON IT.

---

Instead of looking at pitching statistics, I'm going to scream, run around wildly, and flail my arms in the air. It was... pretty universally dreadful. Guthrie couldn't catch a break no matter who he pitched for. Uehara started off dominant, then the league started to catch up to him. Good thing he faced a lot of NL teams. There were, however, encouraging signs:

Chris Ray was lights out, compiling a 0.00 ERA in 13 innings.

Matusz and Arrieta allowed no runs in 5 2/3 innings as well. Prospects represent! They also allowed a combined 2 hits.

Tillman, the third part of the Holy Trinity of Prospects, had a 2.25 ERA in 4 IP. Not bad, guy.

Perez, Castillo, Albers, Bass and Simon all had ERAs of less than 3.00

Of the starters, Albers and Uehara looked the sharpest. Koji was a strikeout fiend, fanning 17 in only 14 2/3 innings of play. Bedard who?

Pitching conclusions: Brace yourself when the O's are on the mound. But don't expect such a consistent shellacking from our opponents this year. As long as the kids on the team maintain confidence, they could be the surprise staff of the season. It's what I have to believe at this point.

---

Right now, there's no prouder fanbase for me to be a part of than the Orioles' fanbase. We have seen amazing highs (like the Gr8est player to grace the game) and abominable lows (see: Peter Angelos era). But it's pared out the fairweather fans and hangers-on, who will stop rooting for the Ravens once they go 4-12. People who still talk Orioles are knowledgeable about the game, and enthusiastic and optimistic year in and year out with no reason to behave as such. In short, this next portion of the post is for everyone who's stuck with the team in the past decade:









Go O's

- Matt

Just Because

For all you whiners and homos out there who keep calling Crosby a crybaby despite all evidence to the contrary, I offer you this comparison:

Crosby getting in a fight:



Ovechkin getting in a fight:



Oh wait, he's too much of a pussy to fight. But don't let that make your inferiority complexes change. I love your whining.

WOOOOOOOOOOO

- Matt

Playoff Situation

Of course I'm talking about the NHL. If you like the NBA, you don't read this site.

As it stands, the Eastern Conference looks like this:

1. Boston, 102 (9 GR)
2. Washington, 99 (6 GR)
3. New Jersey, 98 (8 GR)
4. Philadelphia, 90 (9 GR)
5. Pittsburgh, 90 (6 GR)
6. Carolina, 89 (6 GR)
7. New York Rangers, 87 (6 GR)
8. Montreal, 85 (8 GR)
9. Florida, 83 (7 GR)
10. Buffalo, 80 (8 GR)

As you can see, it's pretty easy to imagine the current top 8 will be the field of 8 in 3 weeks time. Buffalo is fighting the clock at this point, and probably won't make it. More importantly, the Penguins hold tiebreakers against almost everyone else in the wild card field:

vs. PHI: 4-2-0
vs. CAR: 2-1-0 (1 GR)
vs. NYR: 3-1-2 (win tiebreaker based on points percentage)
vs. MON: 1-2-0 (1 GR)
vs. FLA: 2-1-0 (1 GR)
vs. BUF: 2-2-0 (lose tiebreaker based on points percentage)

Because of the tiebreaker against Buffalo, the Penguins' magic number (to clinch a playoff spot) is 9.

Finally, the Pens went 10-1-2 in March, making it a very productive month. And best of all, the playoff push is happening against playoff contenders. Certain teams should be worried about the ease of their schedule down the stretch (cough Washington), and you have to wonder if they can't grab the number 1 seed if they'll be victims of a first round upset.

---

On to the Western Conference, which is shaping up to be an extremely entertaining race:

1. San Jose, 107 (8 GR)
2. Detroit, 107 (7 GR)
3. Calgary, 90 (8 GR)
4. Chicago, 91 (9 GR)
5. Vancouver, 89 (8 GR)
6. Columbus, 85 (8 GR)
7. Edmonton, 81 (7 GR)
8. Nashville, 80 (8 GR)
9. Anaheim, 80 (7 GR)
10. St. Louis, 79 (8 GR)
11. Minnesota, 78 (7 GR)
12. Dallas, 75 (8 GR)

Dallas is more or less in the same position as the Sabres in the East. Columbus is looking good, but is far from a lock. St. Louis is my personal favorite contender, but they have 3 games left against my other favorite, Columbus, including one tonight. Additionally, the Blues have 6 of their final 8 games on the road, meaning I wouldn't bet on them reappearing in the postseason this year. The 7 through 11 spots are kind of anyone's guess at this point.

I'm just assuming that someone from the Western Conference is winning the Cup this year, so let's take a look at who should be favored:

Detroit- No holes in this team. It's all about luck and favorable matchups at this point.

San Jose- Need to recapture the fire from earlier this season, and have a short playoff memory if they want to go far.

Calgary- Never an easy out in the playoffs. They'll go to the Conference finals I think.

Vancouver- Luongo is incredible. Team is clicking at the right time.

Chicago- Could be this year's Penguins, but lack of recent success has many worried.

Columbus- A guy can dream, right?

- Matt

General Greivis

If I had photoshop skills (or photoshop), I'd totally turn the title of the post into a visual pun.

Anyway, the Terps won because they matched up well against Cal, who relies on their defense and 3 point shooting. Maryland was able to stop perimeter shooters from making the high-percentage shots, as evidenced by Cal's terrible 3 percentage. In particular, check out Patrick Christopher's stats: 0-7 on the 3, and fouled out. Maryland looked well coached, and seemed to know exactly who to guard in which situations. Once Christopher fouled out, Cal went on a run that was too little, too late.

The Terps, by winning, have added to their own resume of credibility. By winning as a tenth seed against a team from another major seed, they've helped their chances of making the Big Dance next year. But more importantly, they showed the most tournament-time poise since their championship season, arguably. Memphis looks like a very intriguing matchup, they're of comparable overall skill to Wake Forest in my opinion. If Maryland can have the same kind of game they did against Cal and Wake, they might be able to pull off the awesome upset.

As for the rest of the field, I hate to say it, but it looks like another top seed heavy year. Good for my bracket, terrible for my underdog sympathies.

I'd type more, but I'm lazy. Comments, yo.

- Matt

Mid-March State of the Blog

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Ok, just gentlemen.

Here's a long-awaited post from me, as I've been slacking a lot, after giving Will a lot of shit earlier. With the Penguins streaking (10 straight games with at least a point earned), I've been spending a ton of time on the Pensblog in a state of maddening joy. But it's time to rap, gents. About the sports.

Baltimore Orioles: Orioles Hangout had a very good post on Brian Matusz's pitching mechanics recently. I recommend reading it, but you may not like what you hear. In short, he needs a lot of work, meaning he probably won't make an impact in the majors until at least 2012. Whatever keeps the arm fresh is good with me though.

And, uh, Orioles will flirt with .500 as late as September. Bank on it.

Baltimore Ravens: It's good that the dirty birds kept Ray Ray. He's one of the most beloved players in Baltimore sports history, no matter what the rest of the country thinks. The only thing to watch is a potential "old guard" versus new D coordinator situation, much like the Steelers experienced with Alan Faneca in their offensive line. Which reminds me, Steelers suck.

San Diego Chargers: Good move restructuring LT's deal without trying to rip him off. He's still a top 5 back in the league, he just needs to get healthy. Cutting down on the money while including guarantees for the roughest position in all of sports is a fair compromise. It's even better that this got resolved early in the offseason, rather than creating a boiler pressure situation after the draft. I'm feeling good about the Bolts next season.

Indianapolis Colts: are gay.

Maryland Terrapins: WOOOOOOOO! I like the first round matchup with Cal. It's a rematch of the football game last fall when the Terps surprised the Bears. MD has a good chance, I'm penciling them in the W column. They're starting to play well on neutral courts, which will be very useful in the very near future.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Streaking! Suddenly, the Pens find themselves in the 5 seed position with 82 points. With 11 games left to play, one figures the Pens need to go 6-5 the rest of the season to be assured a playoff spot. That would be 43 wins and 94 points, which is enough in the post-lockout landscape. Depending on their first round matchup, they could be doing a lot of damage. The first line is looking very good these days, Guerin, Kunitz and Crosby all had 3 points in this afternoon's game. It was good enough to make the scoring race a 1-2 Penguins punch, which is the first time since Lemieux-Jagr that it's happened this late in the season.

Washington Capitals: Whaaa?!? Considering a third of our readership is Caps fans, I'm giving legitimate space to reporting about them without calling them names. Given their stellar track record at home (despite recent struggles), their recent road power show speaks volumes. On the other hand, their first round opponent will come out swinging in the first two games, knowing that the Caps can clean up in another team's arena. Ovechkin in particular has picked up his game away from home, but bank on him creating more points at home in the postseason. The worry spot for fans has to be Green; teams are starting to pick up on his reluctance to take the body. The playoffs are a grind, and dirty goals are a must. The Ovechkin Play (TM) on the power play may not work, so the Caps have to find a way to adjust.

NHL: Red Wings have taken the points lead. Who's surprised? ...Columbus is the lovable underdog in the West, they're in good position to make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. ...Philly may make a push for the Atlantic division title if Brodeur stops owning the league soon. They have several games in hand on most Eastern teams. ...It seems only one of the Sabres, Canes and Panthers will make the playoffs. I'm banking on the Hurricanes to finally snap their drought.

Totally wrong NCAA tourney predictions later this week.

- Matt

Suck us.

WOOOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

If you don't know why, you're a joke. I think Sid put the whiners to bed for now. Unreal goal(s).

Can't wait to face Washingjoke in the first round.

- Matt

Bill Guerin Is A Badass

From tPB:

Many years ago, I had tickets to a Boston Red Sox game at Fenway, and they were the cheaper outfield seats and fairly high up in right field. My buddies and I were drinking away when we noticed Bill Guerin and a couple other Bruins walking up the stairs to our section double-fisting beers at the start of the 1st inning. His walk was what got my attention: head down watching both beers as not to spill a drop but still moving quickly up the stairs.

After the second inning, Guerin went back down to get more beers.

Since I can't resist a chance to bust balls AND was sitting on the aisle, I stopped Guerin on his way up to his cheap seats.

I told him, "Didn't you learn from Lindros' and know you should keep your head up at all times?"

He stopped dead in his tracks, looked me dead in the eye and said, "I can handle a hit with my head down, but I'll be damned if I'm spilling my beer."

---

Clutch city.

Apparently he's a strong locker room personality, and sticks up for anyone on his team. This loyalty is just what the Pens need, so it should be interesting to see how he handles anyone taking a run at Crosby or Malkin. He seems to be loving it in Pittsburgh so far, especially because he's finally on a team that might make the playoffs. We'll see if he can produce at a top 6 forward level.

- Matt

Condensed Thoughts

Damn it Will, make a post!

Anyway, here are some thoughts about the first half of this weekend:

As mentioned yesterday, Ty Wigginton is a fucking beast

[MASN, again]

---

Brian Roberts signed a 4 year, $40 million extension, meaning he'll get to see a winning Orioles season! Also, it means he could be the first lifetime Oriole since Cal. Who does that nowadays? Class acts, that's who. I'm buying a Roberts player-tee first chance I get.

---

Penguins win over Philly in the City of Brotherly Filth. If you play for the Flyers, you probably hate yourself. Their fans have confused being assholes with being enthusiastic. Every time the prompt is "Let's Go Flyers" they shout "Crosby Sucks". Yeah, because the 2nd best points scorer in the NHL who just dropped 4 points on your team, including the game-winning goal, sucks. Retards.

[NHL.com]

It'll be interesting to see if the fairweather Caps fans who've sprung up recently will emulate their cousins 2 hours northeast. I hope so, nothing motivates Sid like a bunch of retards saying he sucks.

---

Resign Ruslan ("ROOOOOOSE") Fedotenko. The guy is 100% heart and looks good on Crosby's line. The first line of Dupuis-Crosby-Fedotenko was absolutely dominant this game. Enough of amateur GM.

---

Has Maryland done enough to get into the NCAA tourney? Not yet. A win over Duke and an overall 2-2 finish would be enough I should think, especially on the heels of beating the... Heels.

But losing to Duke, and winning out the rest of the season would put the Terps at 20-10 (9-7), which in my opinion should be enough to get them into the NCAA bracket. If you let any PAC-10 or Big Ten or (your God forbid) a Big XII team in before them, there's something seriously wrong with your judgment. 3 of 7 losses against two of the top 10 in the country? Nothing to sneeze at.

It's going to take some falls by Arizona, Michigan, and other bubble teams to make this more of a reality. Two or three wins in the ACC tourney would be crucial as well. If Morgan State wins their conference, MD looks better as a result. Michigan State winning out would also help the Terps a ton. In short, it's one of those iffy situations that never seem to favor the Terps. I'm not expecting them to make the big 65, but they at least deserve consideration this year.

---

If you don't like Pitt's basketball team, there's something seriously wrong with you. In recent years, they've tried a lock-down, defensive style that only their mothers could love. This would be successful in the regular season, but kill them in the tourney. This year, after Blair was in foul trouble early for a few games, they decided to open up their play. The result was big wins, including in Hartford against UConn. Fields is a great quarterback for the offense. Blair is THE rebound machine. Dixon is Juan Dixon's brother. Young is also great. I sincerely hope these guys win the whole tournament, they're the most likable team since Curry appeared at Davidson. Plus I get to riot.

---

Tomorrow: even if the Pens leave Washington with no points, this weekend can't by any means be considered a loss. Going up against the 2nd and 4th seeds on their turf, would you have believed they could split? I'd hoped, but it seemed unrealistic. Now, the Pens have met their 2 point total.

2 games ago, someone brought up the point that 92 points, 43 wins should be enough for the playoffs. This required the Pens to go at least 16-8-0. So far, it's 2-0-0. The difference between 64 points and 60 points seems astronomical nowadays. Even if the Penguins miss the playoffs, they're putting on a hell of a show late in the season. I'm feeling every game like I'm rooting for a playoff club, and the atmosphere in Pittsburgh is frenetic, amazing. Camaraderie between true Pens fans is huge, and you can see the hope on everyone's faces. It's the stuff I usually sneer at when it comes from Steelers fans, but I've softened up a ton about that.

Being a sports fan in Pittsburgh is honestly better than being a sports fan everywhere else. This city suffered such a slow burn in the late 60s and 70s, and the population had to get their minds to something happy. This explains the slavish Steeler devotion. Think about what Detroit's going through now, and magnify that. If only the Lions were any good...

Anyway, that's my take on the early weekend. It's good to feel so good about all three of my favorite teams. Chargers will win Super Bowl 44, fact.

- Matt

Like Finding $20 In Your Girlfriend's Boobs

Kudos to Will for pointing this out to me.

Over the years, I've condensed sports news out of Washington into small factoids:

* Redskins pay out the ass for washed-up, asshole Free Agent

* Capitals upset in 2nd round of playoffs despite excellent regular season

* Wizards have stupidest name ever (and stole the Bullets from the better city)

But today, I was treated to a special tidbit of information. Apparently, the Nationals' prized prospect was not who or how old they thought he was:

[Rob Neyer]

Just how dumb is this mistake? The Nasty Nats paid him $1.4 million. For reference, in 1989, the only player getting paid more than that by the Orioles was Cal Fucking Ripken, Jr. Honestly, there's not much to say about this, except the Nationals almost make the Pirates look like a well-managed franchise. Just kidding, the Pirates are pretty much the worst club ever.

---

In other, happier news, I'm going to sign up for the MLB Gamecenter whatever the hell they call it thing. This means I'll be able to still watch O's games this year, and thus occasionally write a recap. In case you're unfamiliar with my writing style, it will be extremely sarcastic and openly question the heterosexuality of any opposing pitcher, as well as imply they itch their bellies.

---

Big news expected out of Brian Roberts tomorrow. Since this is a rumor I read on Orioles Hangout's message boards, I won't bother linking. If I took message boards seriously, I'd think Jordan Staal was getting traded to Atlanta every 40 seconds.

---

Root for anyone playing the Panthers, Hurricanes, Canadiens, Sabres, or Rangers, in that order.

- Matt

Washington: Joke City

Surprisingly, I'm not talking about the Capitals.

Long have I mocked the Nationals. You just can't turn the Expos into contenders in a few years, especially with a strategy that makes Peter Angelos blush. So imagine my surprise when I happened upon this little nugget:

[ESPN, sadly]

I don't think I've ever heard of someone announcing their regret upon signing with a team before Spring Training really got going. Check out this gem from manager Manny Acta:

"I really do not understand what is happening. I am waiting for Odalis since Saturday, but nobody has given me a reason for his absence from the field,"

Perhaps you should try checking with him:

"I thought it best and I prefer to sit in my house if the Nationals do not show more appreciation for my work," Perez said from Santo Domingo.

Appreciation, eh? I wonder if they appreciate his 7-12 record. But wait, maybe his team just failed to score runs while he was pitching. Oh, 4.34 ERA? In the National League? Well, at least he ate a lot of innings... wait, 159 2/3. Tell me they couldn't get that from other pitchers. This is why you see this when you google "Washington baseball"



Grossest image ever put on this site for sure

---

In other news, I know this has nothing to do with DC, but I have to wonder why Oklahoma is about to become the number 1 team in the coach's poll. The Big 12 is maybe the fourth best conference in the country, behind the Big East, ACC and even the Big Ten. The Pac 10 is also probably better than the Big 12.

Pittsburgh seems to have shifted to a more offensive style of play, in response to DeJuan Blair getting into foul trouble early and often. The result has been domination, including an upset against number 1 Connecticut in Hartford. This change in philosophy could be exactly what the school needs to finally crack the Final Four. The only two losses by Pitt are to a streaking Louisville team and an underrated Villanova squad. No one in the country has lost to a combination of better teams. That's the quality of a top team.

As for Maryland, they're going to need to win at least 5 of their remaining 6 games. Wins over Clemson, Duke and North Carolina would help a lot. Will this happen? No. When does Orioles season start again?

- Matt