Go Pens. 2 days.
- Matt
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Bandwagon Jumper of the Week, Week 3
We have to start doing other entries for this blog sometime.
This week's Jumper comes from our nation's capital. The home of the most racist team name in pro sports is now host to the team infamous for breaking the Lions' 19-game dry spell. Naturally, there will be some who are less than pleased with a platoon of overpaid, overhyped myrmidons:
[Washington Joke]
First of all, the guy looks like he wants to bang your dog. His shitfit focuses on how management has consistently ignored any semblance of an offensive line. While he's right on this count, in typical Washingtonian fashion he exhibits the composure of a Hyde Park ranter, smeared in his own fecal matter, waving his arms around and claiming the sky is falling. You're welcome for that image.
- Matt
This week's Jumper comes from our nation's capital. The home of the most racist team name in pro sports is now host to the team infamous for breaking the Lions' 19-game dry spell. Naturally, there will be some who are less than pleased with a platoon of overpaid, overhyped myrmidons:
[Washington Joke]
First of all, the guy looks like he wants to bang your dog. His shitfit focuses on how management has consistently ignored any semblance of an offensive line. While he's right on this count, in typical Washingtonian fashion he exhibits the composure of a Hyde Park ranter, smeared in his own fecal matter, waving his arms around and claiming the sky is falling. You're welcome for that image.
- Matt
Monday, September 21, 2009
Bandwagon Jumper of the Week, Week 2
This week's award goes to...
I don't think I even need to break this article down. Apparently the Pats are the greatest franchise in professional sports and to lose to the Jets means all Hell has broken loose. What else would you expect from Bahhhstahhhn?
- Matt
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday Night Double Feature!
And I'm not even talking about my amazing two posts in one day.
Tonight the Pats host the Bills and the Chargers (wooo) visit Oakland. The total record of the Pats and Bolts against their respective opponents over the last 11 games is 22-0. The teams will play in nifty AFL uniforms and the refs look like carnival barkers. That's pretty much all you need to know.
Buffalo @ New England: I'm not sure there's a single matchup that works heavily in favor of the Bills. Overall, this could end up a pretty brutal game for Buffalo. As I write this, the Bills made a nice fourth down stop, but if you think that's the game, you're deluded. And probably also from upstate New York.
San Diego @ Oakland: Good Lord, how is this game always on Monday Night Football? I see no reason for non-Chargers fans to stay up for this game. Hell, I might not even stay up for it. It's going to be either an ugly, ugly win by Oakland (not very likely), a surprisingly ugly win by the Bolts (somewhat likely), or a blowout with little entertainment value (most likely). You just hope that LT can pile up some yards and confidence.
Ranking of unis tonight:
1. San Diego powder blues
2. New England surreal red and goofy logo
3. Buffalo classic
4. Oakland classic... normal?
5.
6. Refs... what the fuck.
- Matt
Tonight the Pats host the Bills and the Chargers (wooo) visit Oakland. The total record of the Pats and Bolts against their respective opponents over the last 11 games is 22-0. The teams will play in nifty AFL uniforms and the refs look like carnival barkers. That's pretty much all you need to know.
Buffalo @ New England: I'm not sure there's a single matchup that works heavily in favor of the Bills. Overall, this could end up a pretty brutal game for Buffalo. As I write this, the Bills made a nice fourth down stop, but if you think that's the game, you're deluded. And probably also from upstate New York.
San Diego @ Oakland: Good Lord, how is this game always on Monday Night Football? I see no reason for non-Chargers fans to stay up for this game. Hell, I might not even stay up for it. It's going to be either an ugly, ugly win by Oakland (not very likely), a surprisingly ugly win by the Bolts (somewhat likely), or a blowout with little entertainment value (most likely). You just hope that LT can pile up some yards and confidence.
Ranking of unis tonight:
1. San Diego powder blues
2. New England surreal red and goofy logo
3. Buffalo classic
4. Oakland classic... normal?
5.
6. Refs... what the fuck.
- Matt
Bandwagon Jumper of the Week
New feature, woohoo!
This week's bandwagon jumper comes from "sunny" Pittsburgh (seriously, clouds, go away). Also known as the guy who wrote the Penguins completely off in February, Gene Collier spends weekends rubbing his penis against Steelers championship DVDs and hoping he can one day touch (w)Hines Ward's behines. He writes, and I use that term generously, for the Post-Gazette:
[PPG]
He laments the Steeler rushing game as terrible, pretty standard stuff for the last year or so. But it's pretty remarkable to see someone bitch about beating last season's regular season champions, a team renowned for their tough D, because Parker didn't break 100 yards. It might have to do with not opening against the Browns or Texans. That said, I hope the Steelers go 1-15 this year. And Chubby Ben gets AIDS.
As for this feature, I anticipate having to bookmark the website of whatever Minnesota's biggest newspaper is. My second highest most likely source will be the Philly Inquirer. And I'm keeping an eye on you, Baltimore. Now to knock on wood for the next 12 hours.
- Matt
This week's bandwagon jumper comes from "sunny" Pittsburgh (seriously, clouds, go away). Also known as the guy who wrote the Penguins completely off in February, Gene Collier spends weekends rubbing his penis against Steelers championship DVDs and hoping he can one day touch (w)Hines Ward's behines. He writes, and I use that term generously, for the Post-Gazette:
[PPG]
He laments the Steeler rushing game as terrible, pretty standard stuff for the last year or so. But it's pretty remarkable to see someone bitch about beating last season's regular season champions, a team renowned for their tough D, because Parker didn't break 100 yards. It might have to do with not opening against the Browns or Texans. That said, I hope the Steelers go 1-15 this year. And Chubby Ben gets AIDS.
As for this feature, I anticipate having to bookmark the website of whatever Minnesota's biggest newspaper is. My second highest most likely source will be the Philly Inquirer. And I'm keeping an eye on you, Baltimore. Now to knock on wood for the next 12 hours.
- Matt
Thursday, September 3, 2009
NFL Predictions
Everyone and their mother has one. If you want to read hilarious playoff picks, go to tsn.ca today and look up Schultz's NFC Championship matchup. Eagles @ Cowboys? Good lord...
AFC:
The Steelers are still the team to beat. They returned basically the entire team and got key personnel back from injury. That said, there's no way in hell they luck out as much as last year with fluky plays. I'd say officiating factored in, but a) I'm not a retard and b) every team has to deal with the shitty refs.
1. New England (13-3)
2. Pittsburgh (13-3)
3. San Diego (11-5)
4. Indianapolis (10-6)
5. Baltimore (11-5)
6. Tennessee (10-6)
Playoff predictions at this point would be just stupid.
NFC:
Blah blah Vick blah blah blah Favre blah blah nutsacks blah Romo.
None of that even matters. If you want to bank on something, bet that Favre's last snap behind center this season will end with a team-killing interception.
1. Seattle (13-3)
2. Atlanta (12-4)
3. Minnesota (11-5)
4. NY Giants (11-5)
5. Philadelphia (10-6)
6. Green Bay (10-6)
You just know that first round matchup between the Vikings and Packers will happen. And I'll bet the Packers win, too.
Super Bowl: San Diego over whatever. Never pretended to be unbiased.
Now when does hockey start again?
AFC:
The Steelers are still the team to beat. They returned basically the entire team and got key personnel back from injury. That said, there's no way in hell they luck out as much as last year with fluky plays. I'd say officiating factored in, but a) I'm not a retard and b) every team has to deal with the shitty refs.
1. New England (13-3)
2. Pittsburgh (13-3)
3. San Diego (11-5)
4. Indianapolis (10-6)
5. Baltimore (11-5)
6. Tennessee (10-6)
Playoff predictions at this point would be just stupid.
NFC:
Blah blah Vick blah blah blah Favre blah blah nutsacks blah Romo.
None of that even matters. If you want to bank on something, bet that Favre's last snap behind center this season will end with a team-killing interception.
1. Seattle (13-3)
2. Atlanta (12-4)
3. Minnesota (11-5)
4. NY Giants (11-5)
5. Philadelphia (10-6)
6. Green Bay (10-6)
You just know that first round matchup between the Vikings and Packers will happen. And I'll bet the Packers win, too.
Super Bowl: San Diego over whatever. Never pretended to be unbiased.
Now when does hockey start again?
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