Well, we're 7 weeks into the season, and it's time to start looking towards the playoffs. This will hopefully be a recurring feature every month or so, for both the NFL and NHL. Maybe the MLB later. NBA? Fuck yourself.
Methodology: I pull teams from the top standings on nfl.com and say why each one has a shot at winning the Super Bowl, or in the case of most teams, make fun of them and say why not. Or not say why not. Or not even make fun of them. I might just type random words because the team bores me. I'll also use the space to judge them and their fans. Because that's what makes football worth following.
Not even going to bother sorting them.
First of all, I log onto nfl.com to do my (ahem) research, and there's Breaking News about Favre's ankle. A special tab above everything else for King Cockshot himself. You know what? Fuck the NFL. Bastards will just not leave that perverted fossil attention-whore fudgepacker alone...
Sorry, on with the actual "analysis".
New England Patriots
Holy shit, these fuckers again? This has to be the worst 5-1 team since the last time Denver did that. Can't say I put them as a Super Bowl lock, or even a playoff lock. It has to get tougher for them at some point, right?
Verdict: If everyone else gets ravaged by injuries, sure
New York Jets
Just wait for the implosion. It's coming.
Verdict: Nope.
Pittsburgh Steelers
James Harrison is a piece of shit. I don't have an opinion on his hit. I'd rather see this team (minus Polamalu) drive off the edge of a cliff than see them win again. Still.
Verdict: The favorites.
Atlanta Falcons
As crazy as it sounds, the rest of the NFC is so bad these guys might be the best. Not much else to say, other than their unis suck.
Verdict: Probably not, but let's go with "enh".
Baltimore Ravens
Plus side: They're probably the best team in the league when they play to their potential. Minus side: They haven't yet played to their potential, why start now?
Verdict: Definitely in the realm of possibility.
Tennessee Titans
Had to look them up to see they were a "top" team. No dice.
Verdict: No.
Houston Texans
You've got to be shitting me.
Verdict: Miss playoffs.
Indianapolis Colts
Peyton Manning is too good to blah blah blah blah penis.
Verdict: I guess. What hockey games are on in January?
Kansas City Chiefs
Hahhhhh no.
Verdict: Hahhhhh no.
New York Giants
Well, after they lose tonight, not so great.
Verdict: Dark horse, because every time a column like this is written, it includes the phrase "dark horse".
That's it, boys and girls. There are better teams than the ones above, but I got bored.
- Matt
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