Washington: Joke City

Surprisingly, I'm not talking about the Capitals.

Long have I mocked the Nationals. You just can't turn the Expos into contenders in a few years, especially with a strategy that makes Peter Angelos blush. So imagine my surprise when I happened upon this little nugget:

[ESPN, sadly]

I don't think I've ever heard of someone announcing their regret upon signing with a team before Spring Training really got going. Check out this gem from manager Manny Acta:

"I really do not understand what is happening. I am waiting for Odalis since Saturday, but nobody has given me a reason for his absence from the field,"

Perhaps you should try checking with him:

"I thought it best and I prefer to sit in my house if the Nationals do not show more appreciation for my work," Perez said from Santo Domingo.

Appreciation, eh? I wonder if they appreciate his 7-12 record. But wait, maybe his team just failed to score runs while he was pitching. Oh, 4.34 ERA? In the National League? Well, at least he ate a lot of innings... wait, 159 2/3. Tell me they couldn't get that from other pitchers. This is why you see this when you google "Washington baseball"



Grossest image ever put on this site for sure

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In other news, I know this has nothing to do with DC, but I have to wonder why Oklahoma is about to become the number 1 team in the coach's poll. The Big 12 is maybe the fourth best conference in the country, behind the Big East, ACC and even the Big Ten. The Pac 10 is also probably better than the Big 12.

Pittsburgh seems to have shifted to a more offensive style of play, in response to DeJuan Blair getting into foul trouble early and often. The result has been domination, including an upset against number 1 Connecticut in Hartford. This change in philosophy could be exactly what the school needs to finally crack the Final Four. The only two losses by Pitt are to a streaking Louisville team and an underrated Villanova squad. No one in the country has lost to a combination of better teams. That's the quality of a top team.

As for Maryland, they're going to need to win at least 5 of their remaining 6 games. Wins over Clemson, Duke and North Carolina would help a lot. Will this happen? No. When does Orioles season start again?

- Matt

Way Too Early MVP Talk

Bunch of names have been floating out there. Ovechkin seems to be the favorite for this year's Hart, though I don't really know why. He's not even the best player on the Caps this year (see below).

I'm a firm believer that the main difference maker on a playoff team should be the MVP each year. Recently, there's been a trend of just voting for the Art Ross winner. In that case, put money on Malkin getting the MVP trophy as well. But say the Penguins don't make the playoffs, or they do but not by any special feat by Malkin. Who are the 3 candidates (and honorable mentions) I would choose?

I had to make one of my top 3 a situational pick. That is, his team must make the playoffs for him to be seriously considered. But here are my honorable mentions first:

Pavel Datsyuk (Red Wings)
Why: He's a friggin' beast, and the leader of a great team
Why Not: He hasn't been THE reason for Detroit's success, he's a player in a very good system.

Joe Thornton (Sharks)
Why: Leading point getter on the Sharks
Why Not: Nothing particularly amazing beyond that.

Scott Clemmensen (Devils)
Why: Who thought the Devils would be leading the Atlantic this late without Martin Brodeur? If you say you did, you're a lying asshole.
Why Not: Better goalies below

Zdeno Chara (Bruins)
Why: Are you going to argue with the Yeti's performance?
Why Not: He's not even the top performer on his team, see below.

Evgeni Malkin (Penguins)
Why: For reasons stated above
Why Not: Could potentially happen (probably will make top 3), but I don't see him winning without the Pens in the playoffs.

Alex Ovechkin (Capitals)
Why: League's leading goal scorer, and he's a force on the ice
Why Not: He's a cog in the well-oiled Capitals machine, and the Caps haven't been challenged in their division-leading supremacy like the other five front-runners.

Now, for my top 3:

3. Steve Mason (Blue Jackets)

Why: The shoo-in for ROY, he currently leads the league in GAA and shutouts. The kid is absolutely phenomenal, he deserves it.
Why Not: If the Blue Jackets don't make the playoffs, it'll be all for naught.

2. Tim Thomas (Bruins)

Why: He's been leading the league or in the top few all season for GAA and Save Percentage. His solid play is the reason for Boston's dominance of the Eastern Conference, and their drastic improvement over last year.
Why Not: It might be more for his D than his individual effort.

Finally....

1. Mike Green (Capitals)

Why: He's been the best player in the NHL this year, hands down. Not only is he leading a surprising defensive corps, he also broke the NHL record tonight for most consecutive games with a goal (7). He's a leader on the ice and his solid play is an example to every hockey player in the world.
Why Not: Just like the QB-RB bias for the Heisman Trophy, there's a Forward bias in hockey, with Goalies occasionally grabbing one for exceptional years. Voters may overlook this human wrecking ball, in favor of someone flashier (Malkin or his teammate, Ovechkin). This would, in my opinion, be a loss for the league.

Well, look at that. I chose a Capital to win the Hart. Looks like I'm not an outrageous homer after all.

- Matt

Hate Expectations

As an O's fan, I can safely say I've enjoyed seeing McPhail make moves and cause a splash in the sports media. Yet, I also know that thinking the Orioles will be contenders this year is a joke at best. And if you're like me, you're staring at the depth chart on the Orioles' homepage, trying to figure out just how much you should expect from this team.

No? Well, fuck you too, buddy.

Anyway, I decided to use pseudo-scientific bullshit to put some numbers on said expectations, just to see some tangible statistic. What I'm doing is no different than ESPN's writers, I'm just admitting it's bullshit. Anyway, I only applied this to the batting stats, since it's impossible to tie down 5 starting pitchers for the O's this year.

1. Brian Roberts: 100 R, 170 H, 45 2B, 5 3B, 8 HR, 55 RBI, 70 BB, 85 SO, 40 SB, .290 AVG, .360 OBP

2. Adam Jones: 75 R, 140 H, 25 2B, 8 3B, 15 HR, 70 RBI, 30 BB, 120 SO, 13 SB, .275 AVG, .320 OBP

3. Nick Markakis: 120 R, 190 H, 50 2B, 2 3B, 28 HR, 100 RBI, 110 BB, 110 SO, 12 SB, .310 AVG, .415 OBP

4. Aubrey Huff: 90 R, 160 H, 40 2B, 2 3B, 25 HR, 100 RBI, 50 BB, 80 SO, 2 SB, .295 AVG, .355 OBP

5. Melvin Mora: 74 R, 140 H, 25 2B, 1 3B, 20 HR, 95 RBI, 45 BB, 80 SO, 4 SB, .280 AVG, .340 OBP

6. Luke Scott: 60 R, 125 H, 30 2B, 3 3B, 25 HR, 75 RBI, 50 BB, 100 SO, 2 SB, .260 AVG, .340 OBP

7. Cesar Izturis: 50 R, 120 H, 10 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 25 RBI, 30 BB, 20 SO, 26 SB, .270 AVG, .325 OBP

8. Gregg Zaun: 40 R, 75 H, 15 2B, 1 3B, 10 HR, 50 RBI, 60 BB, 50 SO, 3 SB, .240 AVG, .345 OBP

9. Felix Pie: 50 R, 70 H, 10 2B, 4 3B, 3 HR, 35 RBI, 25 BB, 40 SO, 20 SB, .260 AVG, .330 OBP

As you can see, I'm expecting improved performance from last year from B-Rob, Jones, Markakis, Izturis, and Pie. The others aren't getting any younger, but they're not going to be suffering a huge drop-off, exactly. Still, overall batting performance from the starters will be better than last year. We'll see how close reality is to these estimates. In the end, I'm seeing the O's end up with 75 wins. Whatever.

- Matt

Bitches Everywhere

I was originally going to write this about the losers who whine about Crosby. But much like Holocaust deniers, seriously discussing this subject gives their argument a shred of imaginary credibility. To them, I say suck it up and follow your own damn team.

But really, this is about a team I support. Many of you have heard about the back-and-forth between A.J. Smith (GM of the Chargers) and LT. Oh wait, you haven't? That's because this is an ESPN-backed retarded tabloid story. If you want proof, look at my nutsack.

ESPN has been drooling over the idea of the Chargers cutting LT after a sub-par year. In which he still rushed for over 1000 yards. While injured. Yeah, let's totally give up on a proven player because they didn't do well one year.

On the other hand, A.J. Smith certainly sounds like a jackass (if the ESPN article is accurate). He seems pretty eager to throw in the towel for LT. Maybe he was too busy rubbing his dick all over the report that said he was the best GM in the league a few years ago. There's a certain level of respect a manager should have for his players, and the guy's sarcastic remarks are just not cutting it. Merriman is right, stop this bullshit.

Also, if the Chargers get rid of LT, it will be a huge mistake. The Chargers have definitely paid for calling Junior Seau washed up, why do it to the all-time single season rushing touchdown record holder? This is making me sick, good night.

- Matt

Football or Something

Watching the ARI-PHI tilt (because I always want Philly to phail) I came up with a few thoughts:

1. HOLY SHIT (if you don't know why, you haven't seen it yet)

2. The Ravens will absolutely need to use a trick play or two if they want to beat the Steelers. As TMQ pointed out, the birds haven't used one yet in the playoffs after leading the league in them during the regular season.

3. The Eagles' blitz is tanking. This is a bad omen for whoever over-blitzes today. Big completions will be had.

4. Andy Reid should not be allowed to wear short-sleeved shirts. It's a war crime.

5. Pierogies are super delicious.

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Lastly, if Ravens' fans need any more reason to hate the Steelers, look at this loser:

In case you were wondering, I think it's a dude. I would bet a lot of money he went/goes to CMU.

Weather update: it's currently dripping in Pittsburgh. About half a foot of snow everywhere, but most of the roads are clear and the place is starting to thaw out after last week. The game forecast is high 20s and snow.

- Matt

Championship Weekend Preview

First, Arizona vs. Philly.

Don't care. Next.

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Baltimore Offense vs. Pittsburgh Defense

Baltimore's offense relies on the run to set up the pass. Pittsburgh's defense specializes in blocking the run first so the opposing team forces passes. For the Ravens to succeed, they'll have to attack with the deep ball early. Unless Polamalu seriously picks up his game, that's the most vulnerable part of the Steelers' D right now. Keep the ball away from the middle of the field unless absolutely necessary. Pittsburgh has the best linebacking corps in the entire league.
Advantage: Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh Offense vs. Baltimore Defense

It's no secret Rex Ryan likes to order the blitz a lot. This works well in the first 28 minutes of each half. As the Steelers have shown, the final two minutes is when this tactic tends to backfire a lot. What usually may work for the Ravens will not help them here. They're going to need serious adjustments on the defensive scheme when crunch time comes, or Ravens fans may be glad that Ryan's probably leaving for another job in the near future. Roethlisberger is very good at picking up the blitz and converting on big third downs. This is what killed the Chargers. Injuries have also devastated the Ravens' D. When healthy, this is an easy pick for Baltimore. But 18 weeks without a bye have caught up to them, and it will show tomorrow.
Advantage: Pittsburgh (in the long run)

Special Teams

Despite the punt return for a TD in their last game, the Pittsburgh return game remains pretty sad. Their punter is also pretty much the worst in the league. On the other side, Baltimore boasts one of the best kicker-punter tandems in the league. Stover is clutch, but he's also not as effective as he once was in the 40+ yard range. Pittsburgh has been windy as hell the past couple weeks, so it will all depend on field position. Expect the Steelers to pick the side of the field rather than kick/return if they win the opening coin flip.
Advantage: Baltimore

Overall

There are two main factors in this game: how effective Willie Parker can be against the D that's given him problems his entire career, and whether Baltimore's D can make the proper adjustments instead of over-blitzing as they often do. Another big factor is health, which is not in the Ravens' favor. The game is winnable by either side, especially if the stars step up in a huge way. But looking at it objectively, Pittsburgh has a greater chance of winning.

Prediction: Steelers 24, Ravens 10

- Matt

WOOOOOOOOO

(Click on it to make it bigger)

Fuck Filthadelphia! Next up: the Crapitals. If the Pens win, they'll have beaten their two main rivals in two days and the momentum on the season will have shifted.

Also, the Pensblog is now on www.thepensblog.com. Amazing recaps there, which is why I only recap Chargers/O's games on this site. Go Pens. Fuck Philthy/DC.

- Matt