Part 3. Yay.
AFC South: No One Gives A Shit
Houston Somethings
Go-To Play: They hand off to Matt Schaub and... wait, what the fuck?
Defense: Mario Williams was picked ahead of Reggie Bush. While ESPN will never stop reminding you that, they will never admit they blasted Houston for taking Williams (who's been good) over Bush (who's been injured). ESPN eats their own poop. What were we talking about?
Chances of Winning: Fat.
Indianapolis Thieving Fucktards
Go-To Play: Peyton Manning stars in a commercial, possibly wearing a fake moustache, while his team loses to the Patriots or Chargers.
Defense: Peyton Manning glares at them on the bench as they allow Brady or Rivers to score the game-winning touchdown.
Chances of Winning: High, because they're extra motivated by the fact that losing means they have to spend more time in Indianapolis than absolutely necessary.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Go-To Play: Though they usually just run the ball, David Garrard has been known to spontaneously grow to three times his size, turn green, and smash everything in sight.
Defense: Pretty good, but it's really their bitchin' logo that strikes fear into the hearts of their opponents:
Chances of Winning: First need to find out how to play Steelers in first round of playoffs, second round of playoffs, AFC Championship, and Super Bowl.
Tennessee Titans
Go-To Play: Ever since losing Super Bowl XXXIV by one yard, the vengeful Titans have insisted on gaining exactly one yard on every play.
Defense: I mean, Sorgi leading the second-string Colts almost beat these guys...
Chances of Winning: If field goals start counting as much as touchdowns, this team is a heavy favorite this year.
Consider this post mailed in. Happy one week-iversary to the site!
- Matt
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