No, Will, that wasn't a cleverly veiled slap at soccer. Yet.
AFC West: Where Good Teams Go To Die
Denver Broncos
Go-To Play: Snapping to Cutler, wishing he was Elway.
Defense: Hasn't played well, not since Elway left.
Chances of Elway: Sadly, gone forever. (Editor's Note: I'm not sad, he's a douche)
Joakland Raiders
Go-To Play: Any play they call usually breaks down right before the snap, when the quarterback realizes who his offensive linemen are and runs off the field, screaming like a little girl.
Defense: The famous Oakland "Black Hole" is not actually a collection of rabid fans, but rather a collapsed star whose intense gravitational pull keeps opponents from scoring.
Chances of Winning: Terrible, but at least the fans are prepared for the upcoming KISS concert:
Kansas City Chiefs
Go-To Play: Whichever play gets them the hell out of Kansas City.
Defense: Ripping off arrowheads from side of helmet and stabbing opponents with them has led to a better Yards Against Per Game average and increased fines/suspensions
Chances of Winning: While Las Vegas says slim to none, a fat guy in Kansas playing Madden 08 claims they win the next four Super Bowls.
San Diego Chargers
Go-To Play: LT busts out an electric guitar and starts thrashing on it, melting his opponents faces and running into the end zone uncontested for a touchdown. Note: part of this play is not televised for safety reasons.
Defense: Though he's no longer using steroids, the NFL is still critical of Shawne Merriman, who has been known to shoot bolts of lightning from his fingers at opposing quarterbacks.
Chances of Winning: After legally changing Philip Rivers' last name to "Manning", the NFL is sure to rig the playoffs again so the Chargers win it all this year.
Tomorrow: the NFC. No one is excited.
- Matt
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