The Ravens Are Some Sort of Football Team.

It's not my place to write about other people's favorite teams. But Will hasn't posted since I last had sex, so let's go ahead and do him a favor:

First of all, it's nice that the Ravens are in control of their own destiny. No, I'm not bitter that a team I honestly thought was going to win the Super Bowl this year and who I happen to root for is NOT in control of their own destiny, why do you ask? But the Ravens need to beat the severely underachieving Jags to make the playoffs for sure, regardless of what goes down in the AFC East. The Chargers... let's move on.

Didn't care enough to watch the actual broadcast, but I saw the recap on nfl.com and it went something like this:

Announcer #1: The Cowboys are great, aren't they?

Announcer #2: (Mouth full of Cowboy dick)

I mean, seriously, the second guy did all but cup the balls. Go ahead and watch the video recap. As Mason scoops up the fumble, and as McGahee breaks free of tacklers, he says "ohhh noooo" on the air pretty loudly. Let's keep in mind this was a nationally broadcast game, not some shitty Dallas CBS announcers. But it gets better. As McClain rumbles in for the second TD in two plays (holy fuck, by the way), you can actually hear him take off his headset and slam it on something! Where the hell do they find these guys? Unemployment office parking lot in Texas? Let's get a Detroit guy instead, at least the color commentary would just be gentle sobbing.

Besides the joke announcing job, the other thing that stands out is how overrated Jason Garrett is/was. When I heard the Ravens were pursuing him, I told people "oh, so they want exactly what Billick was?" And look, now Dallas looks stupid for opening up the checkbook for someone who benefitted from talented players. Phillips is possibly worse than Norv, he shouldn't have an NFL head coaching job. Harbaugh is good, definitely better than average in this league. And Flacco is the best QB the Ravens have had, maybe better than Vinny Testaverde (don't wet yourself just yet, Ravens fans).

Is any of this enough to make me root for my original home team again? Hell no. Brees with both eyes gouged out is better than most of Bmore's offensive players, and Rivers, though a huge dick, is vastly more skilled than Flacco. LT is causing many people to panic, but he's still a quality back, better than McGahee or McClain. San Diego lost to the current playoff teams that have clinched playoff spots by a total of 4. Throw in Denver, and it's 5. It just goes to show how much luck matters. Pittsburgh is incredibly lucky, San Diego is incredibly unlucky this year. Baltimore's MO is win or get blown out, unless the opposing offense is inept (Pitt, Tenny).

In short, congrats Ravens fans, but it's not over. It's actually possible the Chargers make it and you don't. Hopefully I don't see too many urine stains on people's pants (at least I hope it's urine) when I get back in town, because the birds aren't even close to the Super Bowl yet. Well, that's my backhanded compliment entry for the month, time to go pretend the Pens aren't missing half their team right now...

- Matt

Two Quick Rants

First, football analysts are retarded. If I hear one more person say "[player name] is [same player name]", such as Brett Favre is Brett Favre, I'm going to snap. No way, a player is himself? I could have asked a dog for such insight. Also, the dog would be less offensive to my senses. And please, limit the amount of pregame announcers. Wait, does anyone still watch pregame shows anymore?

Second, I have shifted from indifferent to unfavorable about the Steelers. My favorite radio station, which used to play a lot of good classic rock and that one Metallica song, is now basically Steelers Talk radio. If I wanted to know the third-string linebacker's opinion of how the defensive line did ("good", apparently), I'd... actually, I'd never want to know that. Please, Pittsburgh. There's a fine line between loving the Steelers and stalking them, and you crossed it long ago.

At least the X will begin playing Penguins news (in moderation, gasp) in a week. It'll keep them from playing Longview by Green Day 4 times a day at any rate.

Finally, that new Windows commercial with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates is, without hyperbole, the worst commercial I've ever seen. It's advertising the operating system, and focuses on wearing leather shoes. And it's not even funny enough to justify irrelevance.

Sports, right. Um, go Pens.

- Matt