New feature, woohoo!
This week's bandwagon jumper comes from "sunny" Pittsburgh (seriously, clouds, go away). Also known as the guy who wrote the Penguins completely off in February, Gene Collier spends weekends rubbing his penis against Steelers championship DVDs and hoping he can one day touch (w)Hines Ward's behines. He writes, and I use that term generously, for the Post-Gazette:
[PPG]
He laments the Steeler rushing game as terrible, pretty standard stuff for the last year or so. But it's pretty remarkable to see someone bitch about beating last season's regular season champions, a team renowned for their tough D, because Parker didn't break 100 yards. It might have to do with not opening against the Browns or Texans. That said, I hope the Steelers go 1-15 this year. And Chubby Ben gets AIDS.
As for this feature, I anticipate having to bookmark the website of whatever Minnesota's biggest newspaper is. My second highest most likely source will be the Philly Inquirer. And I'm keeping an eye on you, Baltimore. Now to knock on wood for the next 12 hours.
- Matt
Showing posts with label Fuck the Steelers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fuck the Steelers. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Chargerblog, Part 4
7:01 - The Chargers make a HaYUGE stop on fourth down. Turnover on downs! Now they just need to march 99.5 yards to get a meaningful score.
7:04 - A nice run by Hester nets a first down and negates a possible challenge by Tomlin. Finally a good thing to happen to San Diego in the second half.
7:05 - Rivers takes way too many steps back, and gets sacked at the 2. This possession is definitely do or die.
7:06 - On second down, the pass sails 50 yards over the receiver's head. Barf.
7:07 - Punt. Game over.
7:09 - Pass interference in the end zone. Totally unnecessary in double coverage. Looks like the Steelers will increase their lead.
7:11 - Steelers get the TD. I hope Big Ben contracts an STD. Steelers 28-10
7:15 - I'm officially calling for Roethlisberger's head. If a player knocks him out of the AFC Championship, I will send him $50. He will have no idea why.
7:18 - Polamalu is having serious issues with coverage/tackling this game. This bodes well for Baltimore next week.
7:20 - My kingdom for some pass protection!
7:22 - Chambers gets a key long pass. The Steelers decide to take a stupid shit penalty, and increase the chances of San Diego scoring. Let's make this a respectable score, boys.
7:23 - WOOOO meaningless TD. Steelers 28-17
7:24 - I would have gone for 2 then. Pretty much only because if it succeeds, you're down by a TD and a FG. If it fails, you're still down by 2 TDs. But that's why I'm not coaching an NFL team.
7:31 - Almost a pick. Sigh. Rivers is sad.
7:33 - It seems Roethlisberger's mantra this quarter is to avoid getting injured. I'd accept a larger deficit and a 15 yard penalty for an injury-inducing hit. Ever since the Fatheads commercials, I've thought Roethlisberger was the biggest douche in professional sports. Even Pittsburghers think he's a douche.
7:34 - STAB HIM DAMN IT! Ray Lewis would want you to.
7:35 - Touchdown Steelers. What a bunch of pompous assholes. I hope they choke in spectacular fashion next week. Homos 35-17
7:39 - The Steelers cheated to beat the Ravens in week 15. I don't care what tiny technicality the league pulled up to cheat for their precious Squeelers, it was NOT a TD. The Steelers are whiny bitches who get everything to go their way because of their huge fanbase.
7:40 - That said, give credit where credit is due. James Harrison is the best linebacker in the NFL. Mike Tomlin is one of the best coaches in the league. The rushing attack by the Steelers is unstoppable by most. This upcoming AFC Championship will be quite a spectacle. I'll be rooting for the Ravens, because they have charisma. Oh, and I'm from Baltimore. And I hate the Steelers more than 30 teams in the NFL.
7:43 - Leftwich in. Looks like we won't be able to injure Roethlisberger now. Sigh.
7:46 - Nice grab by Chambers. I need to look up who will be a free agent next year.
7:48 - Delay of game again. Hoo boy. That means 104 yards in penalties.
7:49 - Tomlin challenges the incompletion. REALLY? You're up by a safe margin. No point whatsoever in doing that except looking good statistically. I hope the football gods pay them back in kind.
7:51 - Darren Sproles rapes the ENTIRE Pittsburgh defense this time, silencing the crowd. Steelers 35-24
7:55 - Onside kick time. Offsides penalty against the Steelers negates a grab to seal the deal.
7:56 - This time, Russell makes the grab and the Steelers secure the win.
7:57 - Go Ravens. Signing off.
- Matt
7:04 - A nice run by Hester nets a first down and negates a possible challenge by Tomlin. Finally a good thing to happen to San Diego in the second half.
7:05 - Rivers takes way too many steps back, and gets sacked at the 2. This possession is definitely do or die.
7:06 - On second down, the pass sails 50 yards over the receiver's head. Barf.
7:07 - Punt. Game over.
7:09 - Pass interference in the end zone. Totally unnecessary in double coverage. Looks like the Steelers will increase their lead.
7:11 - Steelers get the TD. I hope Big Ben contracts an STD. Steelers 28-10
7:15 - I'm officially calling for Roethlisberger's head. If a player knocks him out of the AFC Championship, I will send him $50. He will have no idea why.
7:18 - Polamalu is having serious issues with coverage/tackling this game. This bodes well for Baltimore next week.
7:20 - My kingdom for some pass protection!
7:22 - Chambers gets a key long pass. The Steelers decide to take a stupid shit penalty, and increase the chances of San Diego scoring. Let's make this a respectable score, boys.
7:23 - WOOOO meaningless TD. Steelers 28-17
7:24 - I would have gone for 2 then. Pretty much only because if it succeeds, you're down by a TD and a FG. If it fails, you're still down by 2 TDs. But that's why I'm not coaching an NFL team.
7:31 - Almost a pick. Sigh. Rivers is sad.
7:33 - It seems Roethlisberger's mantra this quarter is to avoid getting injured. I'd accept a larger deficit and a 15 yard penalty for an injury-inducing hit. Ever since the Fatheads commercials, I've thought Roethlisberger was the biggest douche in professional sports. Even Pittsburghers think he's a douche.
7:34 - STAB HIM DAMN IT! Ray Lewis would want you to.
7:35 - Touchdown Steelers. What a bunch of pompous assholes. I hope they choke in spectacular fashion next week. Homos 35-17
7:39 - The Steelers cheated to beat the Ravens in week 15. I don't care what tiny technicality the league pulled up to cheat for their precious Squeelers, it was NOT a TD. The Steelers are whiny bitches who get everything to go their way because of their huge fanbase.
7:40 - That said, give credit where credit is due. James Harrison is the best linebacker in the NFL. Mike Tomlin is one of the best coaches in the league. The rushing attack by the Steelers is unstoppable by most. This upcoming AFC Championship will be quite a spectacle. I'll be rooting for the Ravens, because they have charisma. Oh, and I'm from Baltimore. And I hate the Steelers more than 30 teams in the NFL.
7:43 - Leftwich in. Looks like we won't be able to injure Roethlisberger now. Sigh.
7:46 - Nice grab by Chambers. I need to look up who will be a free agent next year.
7:48 - Delay of game again. Hoo boy. That means 104 yards in penalties.
7:49 - Tomlin challenges the incompletion. REALLY? You're up by a safe margin. No point whatsoever in doing that except looking good statistically. I hope the football gods pay them back in kind.
7:51 - Darren Sproles rapes the ENTIRE Pittsburgh defense this time, silencing the crowd. Steelers 35-24
7:55 - Onside kick time. Offsides penalty against the Steelers negates a grab to seal the deal.
7:56 - This time, Russell makes the grab and the Steelers secure the win.
7:57 - Go Ravens. Signing off.
- Matt
Chargerblog, Part 3
6:39 - Fucking Steelers. Solid drive. Steelers 21-10
6:40 - KEY return by Sproles. 63 yards. What a big time player!
6:41 - Vomit. Tip leads to Pittsburgh interception, the first turnover of the game. I hope these jokes die of AIDS.
6:45 - Challenge? Looks like the Vincent Jackson non-catch in every way, but since the other big market teams have been eliminated, the NFL rules that the Steelers did whatever gives them an advantage. Conspiracyblog.
6:48 - Sorry, Chargers. But when a guy who had a concussion 2 weeks ago attempts to block you, you need to absolutely end his life with a tackle. Especially when he's been shredding your pass D in good situations. Cheap? Not really. Dude should have worn a helmet.
6:51 - First thing to celebrate in a while. Steelers forced to punt. Let's see how this next possession goes.
6:52 - Now that was bizarre. The ball is now Pittsburgh's, but it's not a touchdown. That was pretty much the flukiest play I've ever seen.
6:55 - Another big stop needed, and another missed tackle leads to another first down. Also, a ticky-tack personal foul further reduces the distance to another Steeler touchdown. Jesus.
6:56 - Hines Ward is the biggest whiner in the NFL.
6:58 - Ball at the goal line, fourth down. This play literally decides the entire game.
END OF THE THIRD QUARTER
6:40 - KEY return by Sproles. 63 yards. What a big time player!
6:41 - Vomit. Tip leads to Pittsburgh interception, the first turnover of the game. I hope these jokes die of AIDS.
6:45 - Challenge? Looks like the Vincent Jackson non-catch in every way, but since the other big market teams have been eliminated, the NFL rules that the Steelers did whatever gives them an advantage. Conspiracyblog.
6:48 - Sorry, Chargers. But when a guy who had a concussion 2 weeks ago attempts to block you, you need to absolutely end his life with a tackle. Especially when he's been shredding your pass D in good situations. Cheap? Not really. Dude should have worn a helmet.
6:51 - First thing to celebrate in a while. Steelers forced to punt. Let's see how this next possession goes.
6:52 - Now that was bizarre. The ball is now Pittsburgh's, but it's not a touchdown. That was pretty much the flukiest play I've ever seen.
6:55 - Another big stop needed, and another missed tackle leads to another first down. Also, a ticky-tack personal foul further reduces the distance to another Steeler touchdown. Jesus.
6:56 - Hines Ward is the biggest whiner in the NFL.
6:58 - Ball at the goal line, fourth down. This play literally decides the entire game.
END OF THE THIRD QUARTER
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Steelers Suck
For those of you in Pittsburgh (read: no one), you may know that Mark Madden's show in the afternoons on the X is a pretty good source of sports information in Pittsburgh. However, it's also an incredibly inaccurate source of information, as he takes c-bloggers in the Pensblog and posters on LetsGoPens as factfinders. Recently he reported Therrien was getting fired today. Oops.
Anyway, he seems to believe the Steelers are going to blow out the Chargers. Yeah, because they totally beat them by more than a single point before. Don't give me that bullshit about the Steelers having a bad offensive day. When have the Steelers played a decent team and had their offense score more than 20? Wait, don't answer, I don't care.
The Chargers have excellent pass D and so-so run D. Good thing the Steelers have been relatively poor in both recently. Anyone can rush for 120 yards vs the Browns, especially when they've given up on life. The Steeler defense was the best this year, but they can't force three-and-outs every time the Chargers have the ball. Plus, if Polamalu has a bad day, the defense struggles a lot.
Prediction: Chargers have the edge in offense, Steelers have the edge in defense. It will all come down to field position, which means two things. First, the Chargers need to limit turnovers. Second, this is the biggest special teams mismatch I've seen all year. The Steelers' punter is worse than Panic at the Disco. Scifres is so good, his team actually pretends he plays football. Kaeding is slightly better than Reed, but that will only matter in the 40+ yard FG range. If Rivers is turnover free, this is a Chargers win.
I'd do real number analysis, but I'm super lazy. Penguins on dads-and-sons road trip. This means wins, which is pretty key right now.
- Matt
Anyway, he seems to believe the Steelers are going to blow out the Chargers. Yeah, because they totally beat them by more than a single point before. Don't give me that bullshit about the Steelers having a bad offensive day. When have the Steelers played a decent team and had their offense score more than 20? Wait, don't answer, I don't care.
The Chargers have excellent pass D and so-so run D. Good thing the Steelers have been relatively poor in both recently. Anyone can rush for 120 yards vs the Browns, especially when they've given up on life. The Steeler defense was the best this year, but they can't force three-and-outs every time the Chargers have the ball. Plus, if Polamalu has a bad day, the defense struggles a lot.
Prediction: Chargers have the edge in offense, Steelers have the edge in defense. It will all come down to field position, which means two things. First, the Chargers need to limit turnovers. Second, this is the biggest special teams mismatch I've seen all year. The Steelers' punter is worse than Panic at the Disco. Scifres is so good, his team actually pretends he plays football. Kaeding is slightly better than Reed, but that will only matter in the 40+ yard FG range. If Rivers is turnover free, this is a Chargers win.
I'd do real number analysis, but I'm super lazy. Penguins on dads-and-sons road trip. This means wins, which is pretty key right now.
- Matt
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